Tori Spelling didn't tell Dean McDermott about divorce filing ahead of time: 'I don't like confrontation'

The "Beverly Hills, 90210" star was recording a podcast as she told her ex about the filing: "I feel like I deserve to file first."

Tori Spelling is processing her divorce in real time — and anyone listening can follow along.

In the first episode of her brand-new podcast MisSpelling, the Beverly Hills, 90210 star opens up about filing for a dissolution of marriage from her ex, Dean McDermott, after 18 years, citing irreconcilable differences. One of the revelations in the episode is that Spelling, 50, didn't talk to the Canadian actor, 57, about the filing until the news broke last Friday; she calls him while recording the podcast.

"It's public," she says at the beginning of the episode. "I don't know what feels more like a punch in the stomach: that it's out there and it's final, or that I have to call him right now. S---, he's at work. He's at work, you guys, this sucks."

Spelling proceeds to leave McDermott a message: "Hey, it's T. I know you're working. Can you call me? It's important. Everything's fine, the kids are fine. But call me, please. Bye."

<p>Rodin Eckenroth/Getty</p> Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott

Rodin Eckenroth/Getty

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott

The actress goes on to explain the proceedings. "I just filed for divorce," she says. "I just got word from my lawyer that it's public. There's this weird thing that I didn't know about before that you have to be careful with your ex — it's a he-said, she-said, who filed first. I had to file and go through the process, and then once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I'm allowed to call and fill in my ex. So I just called Dean, he's working, and I'm super nervous because I don't like confrontation."

In the middle of discussing her children, Spelling receives a call back from McDermott during the recording. "Hi. I'm okay, how are you?" she says on the call. "I hate to do this to you while you're in the middle of, you're going to work and everything. They've done it. It's like one, it's just the formality, it's like a one-sheet, you check off, and next you'll have to sign it. You have a lawyer?"

Spelling's podcast doesn't capture McDermott's side of the conversation, but if her side of the exchange is any indication, things take a turn. "Wait, it's gonna be spun what way, that I had enough of you?" she asks. "What? What do you mean? I mean, in all honesty, after this whole journey, if it's about that, like who files first, the other person's wrong, I feel like I deserve to file first then."

Representatives for McDermott didn't immediately respond to EW's request for comment Monday. In a new video obtained by Daily Mail, McDermott said, "I'm good" when confronted by paparazzi, and said the divorce "has been a long time coming, but T and I are good."

Immediately after the phone call on the podcast, Spelling describes McDermott's side of the conversation. "He was like, 'Great, good, great. I have a lawyer, I was gonna do this, but cool, saves me $500,'" she says. "I don't feel worth loving," she adds. "That's the truth."

Spelling goes on to detail the complexity of her relationship with McDermott. "I told Dean this, so it's not talking out of school, but we had this very quick, passionate falling-in-love period, which was the honeymoon period everyone talks about," she says. "What is that, six months? Ours was four. It was intense. I was like, 'Wow, he sees me.'"

"We had this fast and furious romance," Spelling continues. "I saw red flags. Everyone talks about red flags. I like saying that I like to make dresses out of red flags and then proceed. So yeah, there were definitely red flags, and he had anger issues, and that started when we were dating like four months in? And I just remember I could show him me. And it wasn't like the cute, giggly, 'This what people want me to be.' I was able to be like the loud, bawdy type of Tori, and I could have like, I could have a foul mouth, I'm not just Donna Martin, like the perfect good girl. I could have some bad girl in me, and that was okay."

Spelling also says that her marriage completely changed after having children. "I became completely focused on the kids and kind of left him in a way," she says. "And I get it, it doesn't excuse his behavior and everything he did and how he handled things, and I'm not minimizing his part in this and how his lack of sobriety did affect me and the kids for years and years and years, and I'm really happy that he's sober now, but our relationship definitely changed. To the point where I felt like I was just in this alone with the kids, and he was there and he was an extra set of hands, and he put the carseat in because I didn't know how to do it, and things like that. But emotionally, I was it, like, 'Tag, you're it!' I was the parent, and it was a lot of responsibility while also rebuilding a career."

Listen to Spelling’s full podcast episode above.

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