Taylor Townsend Exclusively Reveals How She Overcame Her ‘Toxic Relationship’ With Tennis
Professional tennis player Taylor Townsend is the reigning Wimbledon doubles champion, alongside her partner Kateřina Siniaková. Known for her unique serve-and-volley playing style, she is currently ranked no. 48 in the world in women’s singles and reached her first Women’s Tennis Association quarterfinal in August at the Canadian Open. She is also a mom to son Adyn, who was born in 2021. Taylor is competing at the 2024 U.S. Open in both singles and doubles.
When I was 13 or 14, newly pro, trying to make it, there were so many different transitional periods that I was navigating all by myself. I tried to make sure that I fit in the confines of what a tennis player was supposed to be—and even when it was very obvious that I didn't fit, I still would try and stuff myself in that box.
A lot of people didn't understand the way I played. I was told I was playing “undisciplined tennis,” and that meant the creative freedom I had when I was young was taken away. It was also rocky having to deal with my body image and everyone looking at me and scrutinizing me at such a young age. That's such a hard topic of conversation for a 15-year-old girl—having to put my shield up and throw punches by myself.
Back then, there was no body positivity movement in tennis, no acceptance of all shapes and sizes, truly and authentically. It didn't exist. There were these stereotypes of beauty, another very linear box. Serena Williams would go and win a Grand Slam, but the commentators would still talk about her body. Like what more does she have to do, exactly? Whose standards are we chasing?
Coming back to tennis after having my son, Adyn, really gave me that freedom to grow into the authentic person I am now.
When I found out I was pregnant in 2020, it totally reset my priorities. I had to figure out who I was as a woman and who I wanted to be as a person, as a sister, as a mother, and as a friend.
I started that mental work right when I got pregnant, which was a blessing I didn’t know I needed. It was truly excruciating, hard work. I had to really look at myself in the mirror—look at the darkest and ugliest parts of myself, like my childhood traumas and things that I experienced as a kid. I had to decide what I thought could lead me as a parent and what I didn’t want to do with my son. I had to go through dark closets and really figure out who I wanted to be. It allowed me to have a true sense of clarity of what I want to give and present to anybody who interacts with me.
Even though there were so many new things in my life—having this new baby human that I had to keep alive, and breastfeeding, and all the things going on with my body—I had a compass. I knew the direction that I wanted to go in and who I wanted to be. Taking that time during pregnancy and going super deep allowed me to be able to give my attention freely to other things, because I didn't have to juggle that emotional baggage as well. I didn't feel like I had to fight multiple battles.
Becoming a mom helped me get to the point where if you accept who I am as a woman, if you love it, if you rock with it, cool. If you don't, I don't care, because I'm not doing it for anybody else anymore. I am truly just being myself.
I ended up taking 18 months away from tennis, which changed everything for me.
Motherhood gave me so much perspective. I never had anything take me away from the game before—no injuries, no anything—and that's a blessing, but I also never had anything to create distance from the sport. So when I got pregnant, I decided I wouldn’t play for at least six months after giving birth so I could fully immerse myself in being a mom. I had no pressure or expectations in my mind.
Once I stepped away from the sport, I realized that my relationship to it had become toxic. It was a hard truth to accept for something you're doing day in and day out, hotel room to hotel room, city to city, by yourself or with your team. You don't realize how crazy it is until you take a break. Once I saw things as they really were, I worked so hard to take control of what I wanted to bring to the game when I came back.
I had different challenges when I got back on court. I didn't realize how my thought processes and emotions and everything were so intertwined, because I've been in this world basically all my life. So, even though I reframed my mindset and had more of a grasp on who I was as a person, I still had to find my identity as a tennis player and redefine who I am in this space. I had to break down a lot of walls, and I changed a lot in my game. It almost feels like I'm having a second career because of all the things I’ve learned skill-wise, tactically, and fundamentally. I have learned how to be a real student of the game.
It was also difficult to accept the physical changes my body went through: Having a C-section, rehabbing through that, and losing almost 90 pounds to come back and play. It’s been a journey, but it taught me strength. I’m content with who is looking back at me in the mirror. At tournaments now, I look around and I'm like, “I know that half of y'all couldn't do what I do in the gym.” I've always had to prove to people that I'm playing well and that I look in shape. But now I don’t feel like I have to, because I know what I’m doing. I know the work that I'm putting in. So whether you think it looks good or not, that's on you.
Over these past couple of weeks, I’ve actually drawn strength from my ability to handle my crazy schedule and back-to-back tournament play. I know the person across the net from me probably couldn't handle my load. I didn’t have to search for confidence on the court, because I already had it within me.
I want to show other women that you don't have to be confined by what people say about you.
As a mom, I have a sense of purpose outside of my sport. I know that winning and losing tennis matches isn't everything. Sometimes it’s hard to have that perspective, but I'm so grateful that this is the way that I received it.
If I could go back and tell one thing to 16-year-old Taylor heading into her first U.S. Open, it would be to listen to her gut. I’ve realized over time, being in different environments that didn't facilitate growth, I would silence the little voice that talks to you and push it to the side when I should have listened. So I would tell her that whatever that voice is telling her, just go with it—don't be afraid. (And I’d also tell her to zip her bags on the subway.)
Today, I know exactly who I am: I'm a champion. I’m a warrior. I’ve got superpowers. I'm loved. I’m supported. I'm resilient. I am all the things. I'm a vibe! And it's so much fun. I’m on this rollercoaster ride now, I’m buckled in, and I’m trekking to the top. I’m just getting started, and I’m about to kick into high gear at top speed.
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