“Survivor 46” premiere recap: An epic flameout

Plus: Everything that went down at Tribal Council you didn’t see on TV.

“This is where great Survivors are made. This is where legends are made. Jelinsky is a legend.” —Jelinsky

He’s not wrong, people. Because a Survivor legend was indeed just born before our very eyes. Forged through the fire of a tribe that was so inept they never won fire. They say to go big or go home, but only one man could be so bold as to go big and go home. And that man is David Jelinsky.

He volunteered to do the sweat challenge… and then quit the sweat challenge. He boxed out any tribemates from going on the journey… and then used awesome Kenny Rogers lyrics to defend his decision to quit that game, too. I’m pretty sure the only thing Jelinsky did not quit in three days of Survivor was referring to himself in the third person. And thank goodness for that.

Was Jelinsky a Survivor disaster of Jacob Derwinian proportions? Undeniably, yes. HE GOT VOTED OUT OF THE GAME FIRST UNANIMOUSLY WITHOUT EVER EVEN CASTING A SINGLE VOTE! I mean… that’s not good. (Not only that, but adding insult to injury, nobody even spelled his name right on the parchment.) However, Jelinsky achieved exactly what he sat out to obtain — legendary status. Maybe not in the way he intended, but legendary nonetheless. And while all you haters out there may be poo-pooing his outing, at least the dude kept raising his hand — whether it was the sweat task, taking the journey, or doing the challenge puzzles. There was no sit-back-and-blend-in in Jelinsky’s game, and at the very least, I salute him for that.

Plus, and this is going to sound absolutely crazy, I think he actually may be on to something with this whole "several means seven" thing. To be clear, he is hilariously wrong, and the fact that he thought the word several meant seven is my favorite thing since Owen Knight almost pooped his pants on an underwater Survivor camera operator. But maybe it should mean seven. After all, the words do sound similar. Now, I don’t know why we would need another word for seven, but, like, if we did, then “several” would make as good a substitute as any. Just sayin’…

You ask me, and Jelinsky delivered. Oh, not for his tribe, mind you. God, no. But he absolutely delivered for viewers. And he is the first indication that perhaps my expectations that this would be an A+ Survivor cast will be fulfilled. I had a great impression of them when we all spoke out in Fiji and was super excited to see what happened once they hit the beach. Now, before we all go all Simpsons Comic Book Guy and predict the “Best. Season. Ever.” — keep in mind that the other two seasons of all- or almost all-newbie casts that I absolutely fell in love with out on location before the game were Redemption Island and Ghost Island. So there are no guarantees, is what I’m saying here.

But so far so great, right? So let’s get into what went down on the first episode of Survivor 46. And because I was out there in Fiji for the first few days of the game, I can share some things I spotted that didn’t make the cut on TV. Bonus intel, people! And awaaaaaaay we go!

Back on the beach

After recovering from the disappointment that the person with a paper bag over their head in the opening montage was not, in fact, the Unknown Comic, I couldn’t help but be excited to travel back to that windy, rainy day when Ben Katzman puked over the side of a boat on his way to meet Jeff Probst. (Not the first, won’t be the last.)

I could tell you about some of the stuff that went down on the beach at the marooning that didn’t make the final cut, but honestly, none of it is as good as that shot of the Nami tribe just kinda leaving Liz back on the boat as they sauntered over to the host. When your very first words on Survivor are “Wait up!” that’s probably ideal.

After Probst welcomed the three tribes to the game in the most unwelcoming manner possible (which I LOVED and will have more on a little bit later) we got down to the opening marooning challenge, which had the players gathering large puzzle pieces to build a podium and retrieve their flint — which I found kind of funny because the team who came in second in obtaining their flint then essentially had to give it back anyway, since only the first team got to keep theirs. Such a tease, that Jeff Probst!

Big props to Maria for being on the receiving end of the season’s first “That is how you do it on Survivor!” from the Hostmaster General. She got that honor for carrying one of the giant puzzle pieces all the way on her back, although much respect to Tiffany for an impressive solo hauling as well. In the end, Nami won easily (get used to hearing that), Siga got second place (get used to hearing that), and Yanu was not even close (get used to… well, you know).

What I liked about this opening competition was watching pretty much every player go all-out right out of the gate. What I didn’t like about it was the simple fact that it was on land. I’ve always been a sucker for pretty much anything at sea — challenges, maroonings, challenges at maroonings, etc. — But I also appreciate the need to diversify, so if this one needed to be on land, so be it. Anyway, let’s stop the whining and get to what we saw from each of the three tribes once they got to their respective camps. And because we had two hours for the premiere, it was a lot. (Pace yourself, dear reader.)

You better bet you're gonna sweat

“Probst preaches about the monster in this game. Jelinsky is the monster.” — Jelinsky

This is a really unfortunate quote considering the events that unfolded over the first three days of the game. I suppose it all boils down to how to define the word “monster,” but suffice it to say that while Jelinksy may have been the monster, he certainly was no challenge beast. Not only could he not figure out the marooning puzzle, but he then had to join Q in the Sweat task of filling up two large urns of water using buckets filled with holes, and that turned into an unmitigated disaster. (By the by, am I the only one wondering why the two dudes didn’t take their shirts and wrap them around the buckets to plug the holes and keep the water from falling out? I’m guessing they were maybe not allowed to do that.)

“Even if we don’t get a flint, I got an ally,” Jelinsky said at one point, in what I counted as number 15 out of approximately 240 things the monster said this episode that were not remotely true. The truth is actually sadder than that: Q told me two days before the game began that the one person he wanted to work with this season was… JELINSKY! So the monster wasn’t making an ally, he was losing one, and in just a matter of hours. “Now I know when the going gets tough, he’s going to tuck his tail and quit,” said Q after Jelinsky bailed on the task and — perhaps out of solidarity with Sydney Segal — hurled the hourglass in disgust.

Meanwhile, Kenzie was forming friendships with everyone but Jess, who was apparently too busy not sleeping to talk to anyone. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know from watching the episode, but Jess was an absolute zombie out there. I remember being straight-up baffled by her Tribal Council performance in which she actually asked Probst to go to someone else to answer questions because she could not string a coherent thought together. I couldn’t help but wonder: Why did they cast this person? You have to be a good talker to get on this show. And this woman could not talk. How did she make it through the gauntlet of casting rounds?

That’s why I appreciate that they added that earlier scene of Jess explaining about how impacted she was by not being able to sleep out there and how she did not even recognize the way she was acting. I also appreciate them adding the scene because it enabled me to watch a shelter collapse on multiple people, which is always the gold standard of television as far as I am concerned. The Jess stuff about being tired and forgetful is the type of tidbit that probably only makes it into a two-hour episode, but it explains so much about why she was floundering in these first few days. Sleep deprivation is a bea-yotch. I’ll be curious to see if Jess can rebound, because she is in a tough spot right now. Finding her water bottle would probably be a good start.

On the flip side, Kenzie and Tiffany seem to be in the best spot. Kenzie is aligned with everyone, and Tiffany found the Beware Advantage immunity idol. As for the others, I worry Q may not be deceitful enough to take it all, and Bhanu may be too emotional seeing as how he spent the entirety of this episode in various phases of facial agony. Once Jess gets her hands on some melatonin, I will reevaluate her place in the game.

Music to my ears

Ben Katzman may or may not win Survivor, but he definitely set the land-speed-record for musical references in the first three days of the game. Whether he was referring to his tribe as Flock of Sigas, or comparing time running out in their Savvy task to “the final countdown” (nice Europe nod), or just tossing out catchy phrases like “When in doubt, rock out,” Ben was a walking musical encyclopedia. Why Probst did not put him on the other game show he hosted — Rock & Roll Jeopardy — before Survivor is anyone’s guess.

But I need to throw a major penalty flag on Ben for comparing himself and Charlie to Diamond Dave and Eddie Van Halen, because while the latter duo definitely made beautiful music together, they also feuded on and off for decades, with Diamond Dave now going next level and actually feuding with the deceased Eddie’s son, if you can believe that. (What else to expect from a man that used to perform on stage alongside a giant inflatable penis?)

Don’t get me wrong: Nothing in the entire world — except maybe Liz being left behind on every boat for the remainder of the season — would make me happier than a humungous season-long Charlie and Ben feud. Charlie can keep spitting out T. Swift lyrics, and Ben can respond by throwing out tasty air guitar licks from any and all Megadeth album titles that contain an ellipsis in the title (four at last count, if you’re keeping track: 1. Killing is My Business… and Business is Good; 2. Peace Sells… but Who’s Buying; 3. So Far, So Good… So What; 4. The Sick, The Dying… and the Dead).

But I don’t think that’s going to happen, even if they did fail at the Savvy task. Holy cow, Ben is fun though. I don’t know if a strategy to “chill hard” will carry him to the million dollars, but I love how hard this tribe is Survibe-ing right now, even as a battle of the sexes could be brewing. Moriah, Jem, and Maria formed an all-women’s alliance, and then, when they realized they needed one more number for a majority, which guy do you think they looked to add: the one who has every Taylor Swift lyric memorized, or the two who don’t?

Time will tell which side Charlie ultimately picks, but I am a bit bummed that the apparent parent alliance between Tim and Maria already seems to be in a time out. I was digging that duo, and am actually surprised they included that scene since it seems to have ultimately gone nowhere. Will those two circle back, or was this just a “Hey, we have two hours to fill so screw it — put it in there!” situation? We’ll find out in due time.

Orange you glad to see them?

The second I saw that Tevin and Soda were on the same Nami tribe together, a huge smile crossed my face. For one thing, they seemed like the perfect people to go and leave Liz behind on a boat. But they were also arguably the two biggest and brightest personalities in the entire cast. In the olden, golden days of Survivor, they would have been divided up on different beaches, but in the new era, we are seeing producers almost intentionally putting people like this together to watch the magic unfold. We saw it with Carolyn and Yam Yam on season 44, and we’re seeing it here again with Soda and Tevin.

I prayed these two would get along famously and be an absolute hoot, but I also thought there was chance that one beach would simply not be big enough for the both of them and they might drive each other a little crazy. The great thing about that, however, is that either way — we, as viewers, win!

So far they seem to be perfectly in tune, and I’m not just referring to all that camp song crooning. The only one not Survibe-ing with that was camp counselor Hunter, who hates camp songs almost as much as he hates the God of Mischief when his adopted Frost Giant brother starts acting up. Shockingly, the only real drama on the tribe came not from Tevin and Soda, but from Venus and Randen.

Randen caught Venus in mid-idol search and immediately accused her of being like Parvati — which is completely unfair because I watched this episode backwards and forwards and not once did I see Venus attempt to poison anyone with a Scottish chalice. RUDE! Soda wasn’t sure what to make of Randen’s suspicion, and I know this because huge sonar graphics started emitting from her as she spoke. And that is not a joke or an embellishment of any sort — Survivor editors actually added in sonar graphics and sounds when she talked about her "Sodar" going off… which I guess is kinda like a Spidey Sense, only better at detecting submarines?

This wasn’t the only fun editing flourish for the Nami tribe, for as Tevin and Hunter formed a bond over their mutual love of a television show with characters named Opie, Gomer, and Goober, we were treated to an Andy Griffith Alliance title card as the screen turned black and white in homage to the Mayberry-set sitcom. So goofy and so great. Listen, I don’t want Survivor to become a full-on sitcom, but little dashes and splashes of this stuff are always welcome.

Hold 'em or fold 'em?

I’ve never been a big fan of Survivor journeys. I’m not sure they always pay dramatic dividends, and the end result, more often than not, is just me being confused over who has votes and who doesn’t. I also would argue that giving extra votes or taking votes away does not play out on screen at Tribal Council in nearly as exciting a way as an idol or advantage does. These aren’t Ben Bombs being detonated. It’s just different math, and math that viewers often have trouble remembering.

But I will say this: If you’re going to continue to ferry people over to an island to add some bells and whistles into the show, then having them play a game against each other is a lot more intriguing than simply turning the arm on a ship’s wheel in a certain direction. And this game was pretty great. Maria, Tevin, and Jelinsky each had to pick a card. One was a skull, one was a vote, and one was a torch. Maria pulled the torch and had to reveal it. Then, it was up to Tevin and Jelinsky to try and convince her they had the vote card. All Tevin had to do was tell the truth, while Jelinsky, who held the skull, had to lie. And he did so. Poorly.

But Tevin was also laying it on super thick, and considering Maria did not know these people at all, how was she to know whom to actually believe? So she made the move of the episode — telling the duo that she would have no choice but to tell her tribe who was lying during the game. We can make fun of Jelinsky all we want — and I know many of you really, really want to — but think for a second about what Maria did here.

It’s only day two, and here she is threatening to completely blow up Jelinsky’s game. And Tevin would likely go back and tell his tribe the same thing. Twelve of the other 17 players might now find Jelinsky untrustworthy in the game, hampering his ability to make alliances at a tribe swap or merge. Would you rather risk that or just give up one vote when you think you are in a rock-solid alliance on your own tribe?

Of course, logically, nobody should hold any of this against Jelinsky. He drew the skull card, which dictated that, not unlike poker, he was supposed to bluff. But Survivor is often not a logical game. It doesn’t really matter that he was not doing anything malicious or untoward in the game. Perception is reality on Survivor. If Jelinsky lied well and was able to convince Maria to do something she should not have, then people would remember that. That’s a fact.

Unfortunately for Jelinsky, he failed to consider how his own tribemates — the only five people that really matter at this point in the game — would feel about his move. And on the heels of the sweat debacle, it was pretty much a kill shot to his own game. But don’t overlook Maria, who expertly played off of Jelinsky’s fears to get him to cave. That was a baller move. As Probst said to her just one day prior: “That is how you do it on Survivor!”

Reptile house

God, I miss the days of super awkward corporate sponsorships on challenges. Like when the tribes on All-Stars competed to build the best shelter using tools from Home Depot, or that time on Nicaragua where the teams had to carry an eight-foot dummy named Gulliver through an obstacle course to “win” a screening of the 2010 cinematic classic Gulliver’s Travels — which miraculously is not even close to being the worst Survivor film reward ever.

But why there were not Geico logos all over this week’s immunity challenge is beyond me. As much as awkward product placement on reality competition shows is the fuel that keeps me writing about the genre for close to 25 years now, even without painful play-by-play commentary from Martin the gecko —and yes, I had to just quickly google the Geico gecko mascot’s name — this was still an amazing first immunity contest. It may not have saved me 15 percent on car insurance, but it did blow me away — both when I first saw it in person and then back again on TV.

Even Probst seemed to be getting weak in the knees just looking at those geckos, describing the various body parts (legs, long tail, bloodshot eyes) like he was salivating over side dishes being announced at a food reward. But those things were no joke. It took Siga and Yanu forever to get their geckos over the obstacle. Just brutal.

Two other things I want to point out about this challenge. First off, Soda ripping the immunity idol away from Venus was even more savage than the time I brutally ripped the Roku remote away from my wife when she was trying to watch some PBS nonsense called The Durells in Corfu so I could take in some actual stars-and-stripes American TV by the name of Big Brother Reindeer Games. Soda’s move has essentially been running in a continuous loop in my brain ever since. As has Venus’ reaction.

The other thing of interest to me that did not make it into the episode was Tim delivering a steady stream of encouragement while Maria and Moriah were working on the puzzle. You all know that the puzzles take much longer to complete than what we actually see on TV, and while there is always sporadic chatter and encouragement from tribemates on the mat, Tim went next level with an almost preacher-like sermon to keep his puzzle-solvers inspired.

“I’m not shouting, I’m motivating!” Tim bellowed. “This is for Seb! This is for Leo! This is for Juju!” he called out, naming Maria’s three children as she worked to complete the puzzle. It was actually really cool to see. I really enjoyed my chat with Tim before the game, but he was definitely on the mellower side of the cast. He clearly missed his family and you could see him at times maybe wondering if he had made the right call, and if this adventure was worth leaving his loved ones for so long. (Just one of the many reasons I personally would never play this game.) So to see him that engaged in both the game (being correctly concerned about a women’s alliance) and at the challenge was a welcome sight. I wish you all could have gotten a little snippet of that.

Probst 3.0

Oh, he’s back, people. We already told you that Probst was ready to spice up Survivor a bit, and the evidence was all over this first Tribal Council. The host called out Jelinsky for saying he wasn’t the type to quit on something… right after quitting on something. And then when the player continued to not own it, Probst called him out on that as well.

This was so refreshing to see. Even while an idol or an advantage or blindside can make for a memorable Tribal Council result, the discussions at Tribal in the new era have, for the most part, been very harmonious affairs, heavy on analogies and light on actual conflict. Players have just become too comfortable at Tribal. I’m not talking about comfortable in terms of getting voted out or not, but comfortable in terms of worrying about the host calling them out on their B.S.

Probst told me he had sensed players were starting to feel like they could get stuff past him, and he was determined to recalibrate that. He definitely did so here — not by being rude or overstepping, but by simply not letting people spew nonsense unchecked.

I also loved the way the host set the tone at the very outset of the game when folks arrived at the marooning, telling them there was at least one of them who could not win the game no matter what, because their personality simply would not gel with the others for whatever reason — “and you won’t get the votes.” He then followed that up by pointing out how everyone was nodding their heads as if it was not them.

I remember how back before Survivor 41 debuted, Probst talked a lot about wanting to bring a fun sense of danger back to the game. He meant in the form of a flurry of twists and turns. He even gave it a name, calling it the Monster. But that wasn’t the Monster. And Jelinsky is not the Monster. JEFF PROBST IS THE MOTHERFREAKING MONSTER! At least when Survivor is at its best, he is. Love seeing a little of that edge back.

What you didn't see at Tribal

Since I got to crash the first Tribal Council of the season, I’ll share some snippets of things that didn’t make it into the episode.

• Apparently, Tiffany also volunteered to do the sweat task but Q said no because you “can’t ask a lady to do it.” (Hey, better than asking Jelinsky!) Also, Q did not want to go on the journey because he did not want to have to go on a hike after overworking his legs on the sweat task.

• Surprise! Jess is not the only one who lost her water bottle. So did… wait for it… Jelinsky. Also adding to his rough three-day stint, Jelinsky said he was allergic to coconut, because of course he is.

• After that deliciously awkward moment where Bhanu tried to announce “It’s time to vote,” he also made his voting intentions pretty clear when he gestured to Jelinsky and said “I can’t be with this kid, I can’t handle him anymore.”

• There were plenty of other moments of Jess being completely out of it that didn’t make the final cut. At one point, she was unable to grasp an analogy Tiffany made about how sometimes when you try to pull people up they end up pulling you down instead. Jess asked her to explain it again, Tiffany did, and Jess still didn’t get it. Another time, after being unable to answer a pretty basic question from the host, she opined that “Maybe I haven’t adjusted to Fiji time yet.” But in the best moment of all, Jess actually tried to put her vote into the Shot in the Dark scroll bag rather than the voting urn. Classic Jess! Am I right?

• One really sweet moment occurred when Jelinsky talked about bursting into tears at the water well while chatting with Kenzie. He explained how his mom was an addict and how important it was seeing Carolyn on season 44. It’s so cool how many people — and players — Carolyn touched with her story. Love it.

• Yes, the Jelinsky exit was as silent and awkward as it played on TV. He also happened to forget his bag, making things ever more uncomfortable. As for his final words after being voted out, Jelinsky made repeated pitches and references to coming back to play again, noting that he played more Survivor in three days than most people play in 26, and that people like him are the type to get asked back to play again. He was also surprised by the vote, noting that “I thought with every ounce in my body that Jess was going home tonight.” He also was clear that he did not want a Vanu person to win the game and said that it was upsetting because “I would be a great ally for Q and Tiffany.” Apparently, they disagreed.

And the winner is...

Every season, I do this thing where I predict the winner after the very first episode. It’s terribly embarrassing, and longtime readers will take particular delight in pointing out my epic run of futility where I incorrectly predicted the winner for an incredible 23 straight seasons. Like, if I had just picked the first alphabetical name every single season I would have done a better job prognosticating. Just flat-out humiliating. But thankfully, I’ve at least done better of late. In the past seven seasons, I’ve nailed two winners in Tommy Sheehan and Maryanne Oketch as well as two players who came damn close as finalists in Owen Knight and Austin Li Coon. (Do zero-vote finalists count as “damn close?” They do in my book.).

So who has the honor of being retroactively jinxed as my winner pick for Survivor 46? At first blush, the winner seems so blatantly obvious. Tevin! Incredible social skills, performs well in challenges, seems to understand the nuances of the game. There is nothing to not like about Tevin. But would producers reeeeeeeeaaaaally lead off the season with a huge monologue from the guy who will end up winning the game? Would they telegraph the outcome that much? Or, knowing that fans study the edit the way they do and might therefore immediately cross Tevin’s name off our potential winner list, are producers intentionally misdirecting us? Those wily bastards. The game of cat and mouse continues!

But if not Tevin, then who? I absolutely love the vibe that Ben is bringing to this game. That guy can get along with anybody. The problem is, I have a lot more faith in the women’s alliance on that tribe then I do with the boys on Siga, which puts King Rocker in immediate danger. So do I go for someone like Moriah, who seems sharp and also already has the nice beginnings of an underdog story? I love Maria, but she played so well in the first three days that she has to be on everybody’s radar, right? UGH! This is hard! No wonder I went 23 seasons in a row without tasting glory. FINE! I’ll make it Tevin. Happy now? If he hadn’t opened the entire season with an opening speech roughly the length of The Canterbury Tales, I would feel much better about my pick. As it is, I’ll just have to remain cautiously optimistic.

Okay, if anyone besides my poor editor is actually still around, I owe you a Milwaukee’s Best. But guess what? We’re not done! Not even close. I also spoke to the Hostmaster General out in Fiji just minutes after Tribal Council to get his take on that, and you can watch and read what he had to say. We also have an exclusive deleted scene from the premiere for you as well as an exit interview with the legend/monster known as Jelinsky.

And if you missed my mountain of pre-game coverage with the cast and host, you can check out those links below. (You can also find links on my Twitter @DaltonRoss.) Okay, I’m off to go watch Andy Griffith Show reruns, but I’ll be back next week with another scoop of the crispy.

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