'A place I didn't want to go': Adam Goodes' heartbreaking revelation

Adam Goodes retired from the AFL at the end of the 2015 season but it was a year earlier when the football field first became a place he “just didn’t want to go”.

The two-time Brownlow medallist endured criticism throughout his last years in the league as sections of fans booed him throughout games.

Life as a public figure changed the moment the Sydney Swans’ dual premiership winner pointed out a Collingwood supporter who had called him an “ape” during a game at the MCG.

“My whole world just sort of stopped in my mind,” he told the ABC on Wednesday’s episode of ‘A Brush With Fame’.

“It’s gut-wrenching. It’s a snapshot into a past where people only see us as animals, they see us as primitive beings that people think are lower than a dog.”

The incident occurred during the AFL’s Indigenous Round celebrations.

“That’s when it sort of hit me. I came off (the ground) and just broke down. I just couldn’t believe someone so young could call me that,” he said.

“I knew she wasn’t knowing what that actually means to call someone an ape, that she was probably copying people in the crowd around her.

“But it just cut me down. I wasn’t expecting it. Being a proud, black, Indigenous person, being proud of where I come from, for you to cut me down because of that and what I’m proud of, it hurts.”

Goodes was named Australian of the Year in 2014 for his work in the Indigenous community.

He co-founded the Go Foundation and has worked with young Indigenous footballers, a relationship that provided a moment to shape the latter stages of his AFL career.

During the Swans’ clash with Carlton at the SCG in the 2015 Indigenous Round, Goodes celebrated a goal with a war dance he had learned with a boys’ team.

But the incident sparked more boos at grounds around the country and led to Goodes taking a short time away from the club.

The 38-year-old says now the 2014 season was the beginning of the end of his love affair with the AFL.

“I think we only lost about five games that year so if we won the game of football, that was my big finger up to that because I couldn’t see the individuals. It was the masses,” he told the ABC.

“It just hurt. In a place where I thought I was pretty safe and sacred, being on a footy field, was now a place I just didn’t want to go.

“I didn’t feel appreciated, I didn’t feel any self worth.”

Goodes retired as a 35-year-old with 372 games under his belt, having overcome injuries in 2012 and 2013 to play 41 games in his last two years.

Had he wanted to, he would have kept going.

“I don’t feel like I was bullied out the game. It was my choice. I wasn’t pushed out the door,” he said.

“It’s just unfortunate the last two years of my career are so fresh and affect my perception of AFL to this day.”