Mental health low points still affect me - Marler
Former England prop Joe Marler says that the ups and downs of being a Test rugby player continued to affect his mental health right up until his retirement last month.
The 34-year-old called an end to his Test career before the start of the autumn internationals, having initially been included in England's squad for the matches.
He played a final, farewell game for Harlequins on Friday before quitting the game entirely.
"How often do I have low points? Still a fair amount," Marler told the For the Love of Rugby podcast.
"Post tour, post campaign, there is a natural lull when you have been used to a schedule being put in front of you, you know where you are going, what you are wearing and you surrounded by the boys all the time.
"You go back and you have missed your family and you love them to pieces, but you don't really know where you fit in.
"Before [this summer's] Japan and New Zealand tour, I was consistent in going to this new therapy and trying to deal with some stuff that had happened in the past and some stuff that was happening at the time.
"I was in it and there was a good rhythm to it. I went away, felt good and had different tools to help me deal with my time out there.
"Then I came home and it was summer holidays and wanted to spend as much time as possible with the kids and the family.
"The therapist was texting me to try and set up another appointment, but I felt really good and thought I would crack on. But that is the time you want to keep delving into stuff you are struggling with to stay on top of it.
"I am trying still to get out of that old-school mindset of 'I feel good so I don't need any help'."
Marler regularly spoke about his mental health during his career, describing crying on the way to training, trashing his kitchen in a rage and taking anti-depressants.
He says his on-field antics, which have included insulting opponents verbally, squirting England team-mate James Haskell with a water bottle and grabbing Wales skipper Alun Wyn Jones' genital area, might have sprung from his own insecurities.
"Maybe sometimes I get bored, maybe I am an attention-seeker, maybe I lack confidence in my rugby-playing abilities so I try and get involved in a different way somehow to justify being there," he added.
"I don't know. Sometimes I like winding other people up - it has been in my nature for god knows how long."
