Ivan Cleary's sad confession about wife as Panthers coach offers new insight into struggles

Penrith Panthers coach Ivan Cleary has provided a brave new insight into his mental health battle, while also lamenting the fact he didn't initially share his struggles with his wife. Cleary is a four-time premiership-winning coach having led the Panthers to grand final triumphs in all of the last four seasons.

The 53-year-old is probably the happiest man in the NRL, but he wasn't always that way. In his recently-released memoir 'Not Everything Counts but Everything Matters', the Panthers legend opens up on how he was struggling mentally back in 2019.

After two years coaching the Wests Tigers he made a return to the Panthers after leaving the club back in 2015. And when success didn't come immediately, the coach felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. Cleary admitted he struggled coaching superstar son Nathan, and the poor initial results affected his mental health.

The 53-year-old has previously revealed how he struggled to get out of bed at times and would cry for no apparent reason. He writes in his book: "I'm looking at the box of anti-depressants in my hand wondering whether I should take them or not. I can't take much more. It feels like the weight of the world is closing in on me."

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And speaking on SEN radio on Wednesday morning, the super-coach elaborated on how bad things became. "I had a few instances when I was at the Warriors (from 2006 to 2011), but in the 2019 season I was feeling very overwhelmed, for so many different reasons. Not the least being the fact I was coaching Nathan," Ivan said.

"I wasn't in a great head-space and I thought that was affecting Nathan as well, which sparked huge feelings of guilt for me. The Panthers board put so much faith in me to bring me back to the club and I really felt like I was letting them down. I guess that responsibility can be a burden at times."

Ivan Cleary's regret about not opening up to wife

Cleary also revealed he never told his wife Rebecca how much he was struggling. "I wasn't talking about it to anyone and I didn't even tell my wife about it," he admitted. "And that was the mistake I made back then. And that's part of what I'm trying to communicate in the book. It's so important to talk about these things."

Cleary is in a much better space nowadays having won four-straight premierships, and the coach reckons there's no reason the Panthers can't make it five on the trot in 2025. "I can't really believe it to have done what we've done," he said. "But we can definitely do it again. We feel like we've got the team and the experience and the belief to do it."

Panthers confident of winning fifth-straight premiership in 2025

As has been the case for the last five years, the Panthers have lost key players due to salary cap restraints. In 2025 they'll be without Jarome Luai and James Fisher-Harris, after the likes of Stephen Crichton, Api Koroisau, Viliame Kikau and Matt Burton left for greener pastures and more money in previous seasons.

"All those players can't be replaced like-for-like but you have to try and evolve as a team and adapt," Cleary said. "Fish and Jarome have been part of our team for so long and it's definitely going to be challenging. But the best thing we've done is not focus on the players we've lost but the players we do have and how we can use that."

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