'Demoralised': Will England show up for the final Ashes Tests?

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  • Joe Root
    Joe Root
    English cricketer (born 1990)
After three brutal losses to lose the Ashes series in near record time, England captain Joe Root will have a mammoth task to rally the visitors for the final two Tests of the series. Pictures: Getty Images
After three brutal losses to lose the Ashes series in near record time, England captain Joe Root will have a mammoth task to rally the visitors for the final two Tests of the series. Pictures: Getty Images

There's no truth in the rumour, as far as we can ascertain, England has asked that the fourth Ashes Test moved from Covid-stricken Sydney to a far safer venue.

With Edgbaston heading for a low of 3c next week and the head groundsman still on Christmas leave, the Poms have been told to stay in Australia and see out their miserable Ashes campaign.

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Cue the laughter.

Joe Root must be privately hoping the torture ends soon, by whatever means, after another dusting inside three days at the MCG.

The Ashes are now gone before 2021 is out – in less than 12 days of cricket - and you have to wonder how this demoralised English side will summon the necessary fight and passion to make a contest of it in either Sydney or Hobart.

If there was no real stomach for a fight when the urn was on the line, how will the Poms get up when the main prize is no longer for the taking?

Glenn McGrath's 5-0 series scoreline predictions are now considered as routine as a Budget statement rather than some Nostradamus-like revelation.

That's how predictable it’s all become.

England look lost after Boxing Day Test thumping

No losing side is a happy one, but this lot look particularly forlorn.

The stress and challenge of taking on a red-hot Australian side with Covid stalking their every move has taken its toll on England.

Apart from a session here and there, it's been club cricketers against pros.

Unless you've got a southern cross tattooed to your backside, most Australians headed into day three at the MCG hoping England at least put up a fight after a calamitous collapse the previous evening left them four down for not many.

Having sacrificed spooked nightwatchman Jack Leach, Ben Stokes only just avoided being timed out as he ambled to the crease with all the urgency of a death row prisoner.

Australia's bowling attack suffocated England's batting lineup on their way to an innings victory in the Boxing Day Test. (Photo by Darrian Traynor - CA/Cricket Australia via Getty Images)
Australia's bowling attack suffocated England's batting lineup on their way to an innings victory in the Boxing Day Test. (Photo by Darrian Traynor - CA/Cricket Australia via Getty Images)

It promoted transgender footballer Hannah Mouncey to tweet: "Ben Stokes took longer to come out than I did."

Stokes only hung around for four overs on Tuesday morning but his dig was made to look like Dean Jones' Madras double ton compared to those who came after him.

The whole sorry sh*t show was over before midday, the tourists bowled out for a laughable 68 and the Ashes safely in Australia's keeping well before the corporates had hung their jackets on seat backs and settled in for the five-course lunch.

Man-of-the-match Scott Boland will now, presumably, return to the more challenging BBL arena while the rest of us find something to do to fill in the next couple of days.

Thanks for nothing, England.

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