Footy advice for the not so tragic
How about the footy last weekend? Those Manly forwards really laid the foundation for their silky halves to weave their magic. I thought ‘Buddy’ Franklin’s late piece of brilliance against Collingwood might have been enough for the underrated Hawks to prevail.
Does this not make sense for you? Well you’re not alone. You’re probably fed up with grand final week in both the NRL (rugby league) and AFL (Australian Rules), but fear not- there is a fool-proof way to bluff your way through a conversation.
Usually it’s alright to be openly honest about your complete lack of interest in the footy codes, but because it’s grand final week- footy fans are out in force and you don’t want to be left behind.
Firstly it is vital that you claim to not support any of the teams competing in the grand finals. You may be expected to wear the team colours with pride.
In AFL land, the Geelong Cats go up against the Collingwood Magpies (calling Collingwood the ‘Pies gives the impression you know your AFL) in an all Victorian grand final.
The game will be played at the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG) at 2:30pm this Saturday.
The NRL’s grand final will be contested between the New Zealand Warriors and the Manly Sea Eagles on Sunday evening at 5:00pm.
To give off the impression you follow each game, it is important you don’t align yourself with two of the most maligned clubs in Australian sport; Collingwood and Manly.
Collingwood is renowned for its massive fan-base and the fact that just about every rival fan detests them. Even though the Cats have their detractors, the majority of neutral fans will be supporting them.
Everyone hates Manly- and Manly love the fact everyone hates them, so it will be beneficial for you to support the sentimental favourites. Even though traditionally Aussies don’t really appreciate Kiwi sporting success, the majority of rugby league supporters will be rooting for the New Zealand Warriors on Sunday.
For those that admire the British TV sitcom The IT Crowd, don’t use their quirky generic comment- “The problem with Arsenal is that they always try to walk it in!”
Aside from the fact the character Roy was usually wide of the contextual mark, he was also talking about a completely different football code.
Instead, these simple facts will help you through the weekend.
• AFL: Collingwood won the grand final last year.
• AFL: Geelong won the grand final the year before last (2009)
• AFL: Geelong beat Collingwood in both previous matches this year.
• Collingwood and Geelong last played a grand final in 1937.
• NRL: The New Zealand Warriors have never won a grand final.
• NRL: Manly last won the grand final in 2008.
• NRL: Manly won the only previous match against the Warriors earlier this year.
• NRL: Manly and Warriors have never played in a grand final.
You may be tempted to ask questions in order to load up your knowledge but it is important to avoid asking questions during the game; most supporters really dislike their game being disrupted. By all means ask questions during the advertisements but limit those questions to personal opinions rather than statistics- fans don’t particularly like being stumped by stats relating to their team.
It may not be ground-breaking advice, but you can rest assured a lot of the stats and advice will save you from an awkward pause at some stage.