If You Think Your Love Life Is Bad, I Dare You To Read These 29 First Date Flops That Had People Running Out The Door, Blocking Numbers, And Deleting The Apps

Reddit user u/tjeast posed the question: "What did you find out after a first date that was a dealbreaker?" To both my joy and horror, the thread quickly filled with some of the wackiest, wildest first date stories I've heard in a hot minute. So, please enjoy this chaos:

1."My best friend's story takes the cake. Her date said he was a writer and he was doing a book about women. He said the first chapter was called 'Don’t Flatter Yourself.' He proceeded to tell her how women think they are above everyone and that his book would help solve some of their 'annoying issues.'"


2."We met up at a local lakefront park. He threw my shoe in the lake. He thought it would be funny. It was not. He retrieved the shoe, at least. It was ruined, and he was too broke to spring for cheap shoes from the nearby convenience store, and I wasn't handing him my cash or card, so I had to walk in with my squishy shoe myself."


someone cleaning a shoe
Ana Belen Garcia Sanchez / Getty Images/iStockphoto

3."He had written a song for his ex and it was on YouTube. I looked it up when I got home and it was a cover of Taylor Swift’s 'Love Story' with the lyrics changed to be about them. He had made a full music video of himself running around in nature, climbing trees and stuff, to go with it."


4."My date kept trying to braid my hair, lol. At first, it seemed weird, but not like a dealbreaker, but then he KEPT asking. The first time he asked, we were walking through the park, and I was telling a story, but he interrupted me, asking, 'Can I please braid your hair?' I laughed, politely said no, and continued talking, but he kept interrupting and asking to braid my hair. I asked why, but all he said was, 'I just want to braid it,' and kept reaching for my head. I swatted his hand away a few times, and when that didn't work, I told him I was ready to go home. It was so creepy!"


hair being braided
Christopher Kimmel / Getty Images/Cavan Images RF

5."My date would not cut his toe nails and said he grew them on purpose because he preferred using his toe nails to scratch his legs. 'I don't have to bend down so often.' I got to see them. Folks, I ran. I ran."


6."He spilled beer on his menu and slurped it off with his mouth."


spilled beer
Karihoglund / Getty Images/iStockphoto

7."Apparently she thought I was going to shuttle her children, who I hadn’t even met yet, to and from school, and that I was going to drive her to the hospital for a surgery she never told me about, keep her kids at my place overnight, then bring her back to her place and be her housekeeper/babysitter while she recovered. This was after ONE DATE. There wasn’t a second date. And, she didn’t understand why I would balk at all this since 'you're my boyfriend now and that’s what boyfriends do.'"


8."He brought all of his graded papers from uni on our first date and read them out loud inside the coffee shop one by one. I’m not sure if he was bragging (he got high scores though), but it was so embarrassing I wanted to dig my own grave."


stack of papers
Jose A. Bernat Bacete / Getty Images

9."On the surface, he was a lawyer with an Ivy League degree. Then, just one layer deeper, he had six kids with five different women. One of his exes hated him so much, she took their kids to Germany to get away from him. And the kicker? His youngest was six months old and he was sleeping on his ex's couch."


10."His mom called him twice during the first date, and he answered both times. Toward the end of the date, he told me that he and his mom had just found a lovely apartment that they’d be moving into together."


person checking their watch at a restaurant
Ivan Pantic / Getty Images

11."Had drinks with a guy who kept going on about a 'perfect 10' at his therapist’s office and how he wished he had the courage to ask her out. When he walked me to my bus stop, he waited with me until my bus came. While we were waiting, he asked if we could make out. I busted out laughing since he had spent a good part of our date talking about his crush. I heard from him a month later when he asked me out again. I was seeing someone by then, so that just made turning him down easier."


12."She was married. We met at a bar and left together. Went and had dinner, saw a movie, and she spent the night. The next morning, she said, 'I wonder if my husband figured out I didn’t come home,' then she asked me for a ride to work and I got a ticket because she didn’t wear her seatbelt."


  Sefa Ozel / Getty Images/iStockphoto
Sefa Ozel / Getty Images/iStockphoto

13."He came into the bar and instead of giving me a hug or handshake (it was our first time meeting in person since we met on a dating app), he decided to lick my face. LICK MY FACE. He then sat down and talked only about how he needed to get laid. I was mortified and left early."


14."He could list on one hand the foods he would eat. He was a great guy, but I couldn’t even imagine a second date because I like to eat in restaurants and we’d used up the one local place that he would tolerate any of the dishes from."


  Peter Dazeley / Getty Images
Peter Dazeley / Getty Images

15."She told me she was a Christian life coach. Then she asked me what my personality type was and proceeded to try and tell me about who I was and why."


16."I got home and Googled him after a great date. Turns out he was arrested 10 years before for putting a camera in the women’s washroom at his dental clinic. He was a dental surgeon. Still can’t believe I kissed that guy. So gross."


hands in handcuffs
Sean Justice / Getty Images

17."On the first date, he revealed that he had a tickle fetish and did not believe me when I said I wasn't ticklish. So the next four hours were filled with him trying to surprise tickle me."


18."He asked me to pay for his court fees. That was a turn off, so I wanted to leave to end the date. I said my goodbyes, and he threatened to tell the whole restaurant I was having an affair and cheated on him if I left. I stayed for fear of embarrassment. I excused myself to the restroom where I made my escape to the door. He saw me from the window and came outside, so I ran a bit and looked back to see him chasing me."


a judge's gavel on top of fanned out money
Tzahiv / Getty Images/iStockphoto

19."Prior to our first date, he said he didn't have any kids. While he was driving me home after our first date, he mentioned that he hated letting his baby mama use his car because she always messed with the radio stations and that it took forever to get his seat adjusted back to how he liked it. I was just out of high school and wasn't looking to date anyone with kids. With how disrespectful he was during our date, finding out that he had a kid was an automatic deal-breaker for me. He then kept calling and texting me, and after I blocked his number, he kept creating new social media accounts to get a hold of me because he wanted to go for a second date. He kept bringing up that he was making good money, so therefore I'd be an idiot to say no to him."


20."We met at a restaurant. Everything went nicely, but when we were ordering, he informed the waitress that I would be ordering, then he would watch me eat and order his food when I'm about half finished. I got up from that table so fast."


couple arguing during dinner
Maica / Getty Images

21."That he had restraining orders against him from not one, but two exes. Also, he asked if he could move in with me on the first date."


22."She found my address and checked out my neighborhood before the first date to see the kind of lifestyle I lived, and then told me during the date because she 'loved the park right across the street' from my house. She lived a half-hour away and never visited my town before, and I never told her my address."


person looking at maps on their
Jessie Casson / Getty Images

23."I found his Twitter and besides his online personality being hating on women and loving soccer, I saw a tweet about me, regarding a comment I said about not liking a certain artist and how stupid he thought I was. Ghosted him immediately."


24."He told me that he couldn’t wait to have kids with me and that he had picked out our kids’ names. When I told him that this was our first date and I wasn’t sure about kids and that this was a super creepy thing to say to me, he insisted it was my duty as a woman and that it would make me very happy. Yeah, there was no second date."


tired mom with kids on the bed
Davin G Photography / Getty Images

25."Her other guy showed up in the middle of our date. She said, 'Can I talk with him for a minute?' I said sure, then walked out the door and never looked back."


26."He asked me to call his girlfriend to tell her we would be together now."


  Shotprime / Getty Images
Shotprime / Getty Images

27."He still was in a relationship and wanted to 'teach her a lesson' before breaking up and 'starting things' with me."


28."He would not stop talking about his thesis film. The entire date, all he did was talk about his thesis film. And, okay, we were both film students, albeit from different schools, so I understand the topic coming up, but I spoke for maaaaybe 10% of the two-hour date. He didn't ask me a single question. I only got to ask him maybe one or two questions because he would just go from one point to another without even letting me get a word in. I felt like I was listening to a podcast about a boring thesis film. By the end of the date, he said we should do it again sometime. Suffice to say, we didn't."


two guys having a lunch date
10'000 Hours / Getty Images

29.Finally: "We didn’t even get to the first date. I was heading out the door to meet him at the restaurant we agreed, and he started messaging me asking if he should just pick me up instead. I politely declined because I’m pretty cautious, then he started blowing up my phone with rapid texts and calls. I’m talking like a new message every other second or so. A lot of them were demanding I give him my address. I’d say he called me at least 10 times in a row and messaged me 50+ times. I got too freaked out, so I blocked and deleted his number. I turned around and went to a friend’s for the night."


Oooooof. Have you ever learned something during/after a first date that convinced you not to have a second date?? Tell us your story in the comments!

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.