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Sorry Joe Jonas, but I’ve never loved Sophie Turner more

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner (Getty Images)
Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner (Getty Images)

When I was a student in Coventry, I had a boyfriend that went to the University of Warwick and, as a result, I spent most of my time in the neighbouring town of Leamington Spa. This seemingly inane information is relevant for two reasons: firstly, because it’s where Warwick students live after they’re shunted off-campus in second year, and, secondly, because it’s where Sophie Turner hails from.

Throughout my time in Leam (that’s what we called it, and probably what she calls it, because she’s cool and chill and fun), me and my mates routinely heard stories of Turner’s nights out in the local club, Smack, and the surrounding areas. You don’t have to look that hard on the internet to find pictures of her posing with the famous Smack height wall, contructed to look like a prison’s height measure, or selfies she took with rogue students who recognised her from Game of Thrones. She was a good time gal, you could tell.

Because of the mysterious but within-touching-distance lore of Sophie Turner’s party lifestyle in Leam, I have always loved her, because if Brits love one thing, it’s people that love the sesh. It unites us. It absolves us.

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner (Getty Images)
Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner (Getty Images)

Even people who do bad or embarrassing things (see: the guy who stuck a flare up his arse in Leicester Square Square during the 2021 Euros, or Amy Winehouse telling Denise Van Outen her BRIT awards performance was a “piece of shit” then declaring “you look fit though”) can be humanised by an all-encompassing love of the sesh. There is no higher compliment in Britain than saying someone is the type of person you could “go for a pint with”, and no more damning insult than declaring the opposite. Reader, Joe Jonas is not the type of person you could go for a pint with.

Turner’s love of the sesh has suddenly been turned against her this week as news emerges of her split from husband Joe Jonas, of The Jonas Brothers and Camp Rock fame, with whom she shares two children. A spate of attacks on Turner have appeared in the press, via anonymous “sources” talking to celebrity news sites like People and TMZ, that paint Turner as a party girl and an absent mother.

Joe Jonas and good time gal Sophie Turner (Getty Images For Louis Vuitton)
Joe Jonas and good time gal Sophie Turner (Getty Images For Louis Vuitton)

But whoever is behind this smear campaign has made a fatal mistake. Firstly, it’s obviously and rather pathetically sexist. Secondly, it’s inherently humanising and only serves to remind people of their age difference (they started dating when she was 23 and he was 30). And thirdly, it makes her look like an absolute laugh.

Perhaps this anti-Sophie campaign is having more success with American audiences, but it is having quite the opposite effect in the UK: after barely hearing from Turner for years, save for updates on her marriage and pregnancies, she has never been more beloved in the British collective opinion.

Already, she has been met with the ritualistic “Sophie Turner, if you read this I'm free on Thursday night and would like to hang out. Please respond to this and then hang out with me on Thursday night when I’m free” tweet which is levelled at every cool and/or hot person of the moment.

Whoever is behind the reports has essentially provided Turner with the best free press of her life, and they don’t even know they’re doing it. Let’s keep it coming. Maybe tomorrow we’ll find out that she once fell asleep on a lilo in Malaga and burnt the whole back half of her body. Or got her foot stuck in a toilet in Spoons in 2017. Or booked a £80 Uber to Clapham instead of Clapton by accident last month.

Sophie, I’m sorry you were too fun for your husband. I’m game for a night out in Leamington Spa whenever you need it gal. He can look after the kids.