“Love Is Blind”’s Clay Says It 'Broke My Heart' to Hurt AD and Admits She's 'the Love of My Life'

After Clay Gravesande and Amber Desiree "AD" Smith confirmed at season 6 reunion that they're not currently together, she admitted, "I didn’t want to, respectfully, be Clay's mom in long run. I didn’t want that to be my story"

<p>Netflix </p>


Warning: This story contains spoilers from the season 6 reunion of Love Is Blind.

Clay Gravesande is apologizing for breaking Amber Desiree “AD” Smith's heart.

Love Is Blind fans were left shocked after Clay, 31, said “I don’t” to AD, 33, at the altar in the season 6 finale. During Love Is Blind: The Reunion, which aired on Wednesday, he addressed his missteps and apologized for hurting his ex-fiancée.

"Throughout this whole process, one of the biggest things I struggled with was getting out of my own way," he said. "AD always ... made me feel like the best person but I couldn't get out of my own way. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and saying, 'I'm not the guy that deserves love and marriage.'"

"She’s honestly the love of my life, and I did make a mistake going to the altar and saying no," he continued, adding that he's been doing therapy "to be a better person" before apologizing once more. "It was a big let-down and I apologize. I love you. You are the love of my life and it was a mistake."

Related: Love Is Blind's Clay Explains Why He Came on Show Despite His 'Self-Doubt' About Marriage (Exclusive)

After separating on their wedding day, Clay told cameras, “I looked at myself in the mirror and said, ‘Am I a husband?’ and the answer was no. ‘Am I deeply in love?’ the answer was no. Those are two things if you can't say yes to those answers, why are you getting married?"

As for AD, she said she really loved Clay in a confessional. "I don't regret saying yes to him. My love is blind. There's nothing that he could've shown me, told me, that would've changed my answer," she said. "I don't see myself continuing to date him. You don't wanna pick me? Somebody else will. I'm done. My heart is broken."

<p>Jackson Lee Davis/Netflix</p> Clay and AD on 'Love is Blind'.

Jackson Lee Davis/Netflix

Clay and AD on 'Love is Blind'.

When it came to watching their wedding back, AD said at the reunion that it was "really tough" to do, adding, "The love that I had for this man, it was tough to watch because it was such a lead-up to such a crazy let-down."

Clay agreed, noting he was embarrassed to see everything unfold again. "I felt like I disrespected her family... I wasted their time, that definitely hurt."

Related: Love Is Blind Season 6 Couples: Who Got Married and Who Said 'I Don't'

Now over a year later, AD said she's in a better place. Though the two didn't speak for weeks after their wedding day, Clay eventually reached out and the two resolved some of their issues.

Still, she was moved to tears by Clay's apology on Wednesday. "Knowing there's nothing more I could've done and hearing him say it was a mistake, it's like what am I supposed to do with that information?" she pointed out.

When asked by co-host Vanessa Lachey if she would give Clay a second chance, AD remained quiet and looked over at Clay. "Next question!" she quipped, before Clay confirmed he would "a thousand percent" date AD again.

This prompted her to set the record straight, telling him: "You had your chance, there's nothing that I wouldn't have given you, there's nothing I wouldn't have done for you. And low key, respectfully, you played in my f---ing face... because you knew that you didn't want to get married."

Clay denied that theory, saying, "As [the wedding] was going on, I'm looking at you and I'm like, I don't know if I can show up for you every day."

<p>Courtesy of Netflix</p>

Courtesy of Netflix

But, while he wasn't ready then, Clay said he's ready to be married now after he "put the work in" and went to therapy. "I wanna be a good guy, I wanna be the best version I can be and it sucks I wasn't like that for you," he said through his tears. "It wasn't intentional... it broke my heart to break your heart."

"I came out a different man and I have to credit that to AD. When someone changes your life, you don’t turn your back on them," he added.

Related: Love Is Blind's AD Says She Was 'Hurt' by Sarah Ann's Actions Before Their Tense Confrontation (Exclusive)

Later in the reunion, AD reacted to the emotional scene between Clay's parents. "That conversation really closed the circle for me," she explained. "There were a lot of missing pieces that I just could not understand... hearing that conversation really showed me that he was battling things that there's nothing I could've done to take that stress from him."

"I didn’t want to, respectfully, be Clay's mom in long run," she added. "I didn’t want that to be my story."

<p>Courtesy of Netflix</p> Clay and AD on 'Love Is Blind'

Courtesy of Netflix

Clay and AD on 'Love Is Blind'

Clay previously opened up to PEOPLE about why he decided to come on the series, given his commitment concerns, and what was going through his head leading up to his wedding day.

"I think for me, I was battling a lot," he explained. "I have conversations with myself all the time where I can make a commitment, and then also within me making that commitment, I have self-doubts."

He added, “And so I think what you're seeing is a moment of self-doubt, based off how I was raised," he continues. "And my parents were married for 24 years, but I [spoke about] it on the show that I saw my dad have some infidelity moments. So I think for me, I made the commitment, but when I was actually in it, I was like, 'Can I really do this?' So it was a lot of self-doubt coming through."

<p>Courtesy of Netflix</p>

Courtesy of Netflix

Though he made “mistakes,” Clay told PEOPLE that he is proud of how he conducted himself on Love Is Blind. "I'm going to stand by everything. I think for me it was like a roller coaster, but I went through those hurdles of emotions and it made me a better person so I wouldn't change anything," he said.

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Love Is Blind season 6 is streaming in full on Netflix.

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