Yahoo Sport Ranking Every Formula 1 Driver Based On Their Dating Potential According To My Own Thoughs
Like many people with taste, I recently found myself watching every single episode of Netflix's series on Formula 1 racing, Drive to Survive. In the last six months, I watched every single episode of every single season and went from saying, "Why would I care about race cars or whatever?" to recording the 2023 races on YouTube TV. And while I may not be an expert on Formula 1 racing by any means — though I did finally figure out what "DRS" means — I do feel qualified to judge men. And that, folks, is why we are here today. We are here to rank the current male drivers of Formula 1 based on what I imagine it would be like to date them.
PS: Formula 1 is, like, very brutal, and drivers get fired a lot more than I expected when I started my F1 journey. That being said, these are the current drivers as of Aug. 2023, and who knows if and when that might change.
Author's note: I am aware that many of these men are taken, and that some are even married. But in this fictional world, I have created within this article, they are all single and straight, and this is just for fun. Besides, they are all millionaires and will be just fine. Thank you.
Without further ado, let's get into this.
20.Lance Stroll currently driving for Aston Martin
Reasons for this ranking: As much as I could potentially look past dating one of the most nepo-y babies of the nepo baby world if I was jetting around the world on a private jet and finally getting to see Amsterdam IRL, I can't pretend that the dating experience of dating this particular nepo baby would be my first choice. While I can't prove it, I can only imagine that it may involve a lot of fake laughing at jokes and dirty socks being strewn about in every room of our (very large, and paid for by Daddy) house. Would I enjoy our time while it lasted? Sure, but mostly because it would be time spent on a yacht.
19.Max Verstappen currently driving for Red Bull
Reasons for this ranking: I'll be honest, I do own a "Anyone But Max" hat, so it's not entirely surprising that this Dutch and Belgian man is ranked low on the list for me. And listen, I GET IT, he's a very good driver...blah, blah, blah. I am certainly not here to deny that. But I also don't think he would be my choice for boyfriend of the year. Why? Because I assume he uses "Lol" as a valid response to my important text messages multiple times a day even when what I typed was not remotely meant to be funny! And while I can absolutely get behind a gamer, I just know this man would ignore me while I was telling him about my day to play World of Warcraft or some shit. And for that reason, you are #19 on this list, Maxy.
18.Logan Sargeant currently driving for Williams
Reasons for this ranking: I have dated my fair share of American men, and let me tell you, the experience has not always been what I would refer to as "great." I imagine that Logan is the type of guy who will call his mom while he's with you and when she asks what he's doing, he'll tell her he's with you, which will make you think he's serious about you. But he's not. And his mom knows this. He'll insist that you wear one of his Williams Racing shirts when you're at his apartment hanging out. Then, the next race weekend, you'll show up in your shirt only to see three other girls in the same exact shirt. It will sting, but you'll keep the shirt.
17.Nico Hülkenberg currently driving for Haas
Reasons for this ranking: Obviously all of these men are attractive. So when it comes to a lower ranking for one Nico of Haas, that's most certainly not a contributing factor. But when I think of what it would be like to date Nico, I can only assume it would be a lot of him pretending to care about what you have to say, all while he is most certainly not listening. And in the morning when you call an Uber to get the hell out of his messy (but huuuuuge) bedroom (that has sheets that look like they haven't been washed in two years despite him most certainly not even doing his own laundry), he won't even open his eyes to say goodbye to you.
16.Sergio "Checo" Pérez currently driving for Red Bull
Reasons for this ranking: I hate to say it, but when I imagine what it may be like to date Checo, I imagine it would be a situation where he will absolutely shatter your heart. And, somehow, you won't even see it coming. He will be so reliable at first, he'll take you on adventures. Checo always plans the dates, and he plans good dates. Then, one day, out of nowhere, Checo will disappear. You'll feel sad about it for weeks. And then months later, you'll run into each other. You'll say hi because you are a strong, independent woman who has moved on and is extending a peace offering. He will hit on you. You'll make a joke about having been down this road before, and he won't remember you or understand the reference at first. Checo is kind of the worst. But when you see him on the track, you'll get amnesia every time.
15.Fernando Alonso currently driving for Aston Martin
Reasons for this ranking: The way I see it is that Fernando will blow your phone up the first 48 hours of you two talking. You'll text constantly. You'll share TikTok videos. You'll talk about dinosaurs, drugs, and the best condiments for sandwiches. You'll finally hang out and stay up the entire night talking and...enjoying each other. You will convince yourself you are in love after one of the best nights (and orgasms!) of your life. And then, just as you start to imagine yourself as an F1 WAG, you will never hear from him again. It's like he has a radar. Where did Fernando go? What is Fernando doing? You will, sadly, never find out.
14.Pierre Gasly currently driving for Alpine
Reasons for this ranking: Pierre must be so good at what he does. I have to believe that he is the type of guy who will send you paragraphs over text, ask you how your day was, and lightly rub your knee with his thumb while you're out getting drinks. He'll make sure you're satisfied in and out of the bedroom and then hit you with the, "Oh I'm not looking for anything remotely serious," after three months of constant communication. Pierre, we love you...but we also hate you.
13.Charles Leclerc currently driving for Ferrari
Reasons for this ranking: Charles is the type of guy who is wildly attractive, yet somehow feels approachable. You won't immediately write him off, and that's your first mistake. Charles will charm your literal pants off and then stay up with you all night talking and telling you about the time he cried at a movie when he was five years old. You'll fall for him, hard, because you'll think he's opening up to you emotionally. And, of course, the accent and the home in Monaco certainly won't hurt. But you'll soon find out that he's just using you as a therapist because he's too proud to get his own. Charles, for the sake of us all, get a therapist. We know you can afford one.
12.Yuki Tsunoda currently driving for AlphaTauri
Reasons for this ranking: Oh, Yuki. Yuki seems like the type who will invite you over to hang out at his place on a Friday night. You'll put your best bra and underwear set on because you think you're gonna chill on the couch watching a movie, making out. But when you show up, you find out that he has invited 55 of his closest friends to also hang out. You will then sit there awkwardly as Yuki and his 55 friends play cards, drink, and party until well past 2 a.m. When the sun is about to rise, and you're still somehow there on his very nice sectional couch, he takes you up to his bedroom only for you to discover that his pillows have no pillowcases on them. You will want to flee, but you are tired, and you've done worse. And, he is pretty funny, as long as you can get past the fart jokes.
11.George Russell currently driving for Mercedes
Reasons for this ranking: First of all, the man says "sugar" instead of "shit" so you are caught off guard the first time you try to gossip with him and he calls someone a "sugarhead." But once you find a way to look past that, George will sweep you off your feet with his banter and ability to be a good listener. Then, just when you think you've found a good one, he'll hit you with the, "Wow, you're actually really funny for a girl," remark and you'll have to delete his number. He can be a real sugarhead!
10.Lando Norris currently driving for McLaren
Reasons for this ranking: Oh, Lando. Lando is so good at what he does. He will hold your hand in public, introduce you to his friends after a week of dating, text you "good morning beautiful" every day for a week, and then stop responding to your texts for days at a time. You will eventually grow tired of his shit and delete his number for the 16th time only to notice that he still watches Every. Single. Instagram. Story. You. Post. What's the deal, Lando? We're rooting for you.
9.Oscar Piastri currently driving for McLaren
Reasons for this ranking: Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. Oscar is kind of boring to text and sometimes takes literal days to respond, but he is decent in person, and pretty giving in the bedroom. You'll end up seeing Oscar for six months without even realizing and then you'll have to ask yourself, "Do I want to date Oscar long-term?" The answer might be no, but because he doesn't do anything particularly shitty, you'll have a hard time coming to that conclusion. And it will be great while it lasts.
8.Kevin Magnussen currently driving for Haas
Reasons for this ranking: Kevin, I imagine, would knock you on your ass. He will come in hot out of left field and infiltrate your thoughts. He would not shy away from talking about the future, and in fact, he'll encourage it. You will be hesitant at first, but he'll convince you to dive in. As soon as you dive in, though, it's not as fun for Kevin anymore, and Kevin will contract temporary amnesia and forget that he is the one who brought you to this point and leave you there stranded. Goddamnit, Kevin. Isn't this what you wanted? Anyway, it'll be an amazing three months away. So he will stay at number eight.
7.Carlos Sainz Jr. currently driving for Ferrari
Reasons for this ranking: Carlos is a Himbo King. Carlos will absolutely sweep you off your feet, and you have no choice but to let him. But with Carlos, you forget to guard your heart because he will make you laugh over text and you'll smile when his name appears on your phone. All the while, he doesn't even have your number saved. He's charming as hell, but he's charming nine other girls at the same time. He definitely knows what he's doing in the bedroom, but that's because he's practicing on nine different girls at once. And that's fine, but he's not gonna tell you that unless you ask. Instead, he's gonna constantly say how he's "never met someone like you before" and you're going to believe him. Have fun while it lasts, because if nothing else, it will be fun.
6.Zhou Guanyu currently driving for Alfa Romeo
Reasons for this ranking: Oh, Zhou is a catch. Zhou wants to hear about your day. Zhou asks you in-depth questions about your job and actually listens when you answer them. Zhou seems like he tells you how he feels, and actually means it. You'll be so taken aback by Zhou that you won't know what to do at first. But I'll tell you what to do — make out with Zhou. Let Zhou take you to dinner.
5.Esteban Ocon currently driving for Alpine
Reasons for this ranking: Esteban is the real deal. I am, for some reason, absolutely positive that he would definitely take extremely hot Instagram photos of you WITHOUT YOU ASKING HIM TO. He may not be the best at responding to texts, but I have to believe that he makes up for it in pretty much every other way. Good job, Esteban.
4.Alex Albon currently driving for Williams
Reasons for this ranking: Alex seems like the kind of guy who would take you by surprise. You'll want to write him off at first, but as you continue to talk you'll see that Alex is the kind of guy that will say he'll text you later, then actually text you. He may use "lol" too much, or say he'll call when he gets to Dubai and then forget, but Alex will also respond to your text before watching your Instagram story 93% of the time. Alex also seems like the kind of guy who would cook for you and your cousin who was visiting. And for that, he ranks high.
3.Valtteri Bottas currently driving for Alfa Romeo
Reasons for this ranking: Valtteri would accompany you to your little sister's school play and spend time signing autographs for the elementary school dads who recognized him with a smile. He will not only respond to your texts, but he'll even put a picture of the two of you together as his phone background. He is grumpy when he's tired, but he'll build you your own private spa in his gigantic home and order you sushi at 10:37 p.m. on a Wednesday after you casually mentioned wanting sushi four hours earlier. And honestly, what more could you ask for?
2.Daniel Ricciardo currently driving for AlphaTauri
Reasons for this ranking: Daniel loves to call you "babe." It's unclear if this is because he actually likes you, or because he has temporarily forgotten how to pronounce your name. But with Daniel, it almost does not even matter. Because with Daniel, you will forget all of your problems and just laugh. It's impossible to have a bad day around Daniel, and it's that type of energy that will keep you going back for more. You can also borrow his clothing and will never ask for his sweatshirts back. Love you, Daniel.
1.Sir Lewis Hamilton currently driving for Mercedes
Reasons for this ranking: Of course Lewis gets #1. Was it even a question? I just know that Sir Lewis Hamilton uses full punctuation in his texts and would never, ever forget your important meeting at work. He's caring, sensitive, charming, and funny. And most of all, he's actually a good person. You think your family might somehow grow to love him even more than you do. The biggest downside is his schedule, but you will fall so deeply in love with this man that it will not matter on any level. And I have to believe he has clean sheets AND pillowcases. 10/10.