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Despite her success, Bellator champion Ilima-Lei Macfarlane still struggles with self-confidence issues

On Saturday, women’s flyweight champion Ilima-Lei Macfarlane will headline Bellator’s first show in Hawaii when she defends her title against Valerie Letourneau. (Getty Images)
On Saturday, women’s flyweight champion Ilima-Lei Macfarlane will headline Bellator’s first show in Hawaii when she defends her title against Valerie Letourneau. (Getty Images)

Ilima-Lei Macfarlane refers to herself as “the accidental champ.” The last thing Macfarlane ever envisioned for herself was a career as a professional fighter.

Even when she realized that she had a talent for mayhem that she hadn’t previously understood, she’d have the kinds of self-doubts, worries and fears that the rest of us do about our jobs and our daily lives.

Getting punched in the face, kicked in the head and/or slammed on your back isn’t the easiest way to make a living. It takes something special inside to make one willingly climb those steps and engage another human in front of the world.

Macfarlane has become one of the best women’s mixed martial artists in the world and on Saturday, will make the second defense of her women’s flyweight belt against veteran Valerie Letourneau in the main event of Bellator 213 at the Blaisdell Center in Honolulu.

“The biggest thing I’ve been struggling with throughout this entire journey is self-confidence,” Macfarlane told Yahoo Sports. “I’d say I’m kind of an accidental champ. I joined a gym not ever expecting to fight or compete, much less turn pro.

“I’d always question myself: ‘Why are you doing this?’ ‘Do I belong here?’ ‘Can I actually fight or am I just in the right place at the right time?’ ‘Has this just been the luck of the draw?’ So I’ve really had to work on that.”

The results have clearly shown she belongs. She made her pro debut in 2015, infamously defeating Katie Castro, aka “The Soccer Mom,” in just 10 seconds. That got her a lot of notoriety, but didn’t answer her own questions about her ability.

She signed with Bellator for her next fight and has reeled off another seven victories, to go to 8-0 heading into the defense with Letourneau, which will happen in her home state of Hawaii in front of many of her family and friends.

Despite her undefeated record, she’s been nagged by doubts and has worked with sports psychologist Ken Baum since her Bellator debut in 2015.

“I’ve really had to work hard on believing in myself and that I do belong here and that I can fight and that I’m a world champion for a reason,” she said.

Ilima-Lei Macfarlane (L) has compiled an 8-0 record in MMA, but still struggles with her self-confidence. (Getty Images)
Ilima-Lei Macfarlane (L) has compiled an 8-0 record in MMA, but still struggles with her self-confidence. (Getty Images)

Fight nights can be devastating for even the most gifted fighters, because it’s when the spotlight shines the brightest and the pressure is on to perform.

Macfarlane, though, is different. She’s not a practice player and often questions herself in training, where she spars frequently with the UFC’s Liz Carmouche.

Fight nights, she said, laughing, are usually a lot simpler after she’s spent the better part of two months getting pounded on in practice by Carmouche.

“I guess I’m opposite of a lot of people, but I do poorly in practice and I have to constantly remind myself that this is just practice and that I have the ability to fight at a high level and not to let one practice negatively impact me,” she said. “I seem to do badly in the gym, but I’ve found a way that when I get inside the cage, I kind of turn it on.”

She answered one question in her first title defense, a third-round submission of Alejandra Lara at Bellator 201 on June 29.

As usual, she entered the cage believing in herself, but Lara got an advantage in the first that had her mind racing even as she tried to fight her way out of trouble.

“Midway through the first round, she got me and I went, ‘Oh crap, this is going to be harder than I thought,’ ” she said. “I kind of panicked for a little bit in between the first and second rounds. I asked my corner who they thought won that round, and it’s funny, but at the same time, one said, ‘You did,’ and the other said, ‘She did.’ I said ‘Oh crap.’ But I composed myself and came back to dominate in the second and third rounds. It’s a matter of believing in yourself, but it’s always going to be a battle.”

She has the added pressure of fighting at home Saturday but is going to stay in a hotel instead of at home to try to keep fight night as normal as possible.

Letourneau has long been one of the elite women in the world, but Macfarlane is confident she’ll be prepared for whatever Letourneau delivers.

“I’m a pretty hard person to finish, I think,” Macfarlane said. “And that’s not only on the ground. I take punches from Liz Carmouche every day, so I like to think I have a chin if I can take a punch from her. I’m going to be hard to finish and Valerie doesn’t have a lot of finishes, so I think she’ll probably try to keep it standing and outpoint me.

“She has pretty good kicks, and if you watched my fight against Emily Ducote when I won the belt, her kicks were the only thing that got through. So I think Valerie will kick me a lot and I think she’ll keep it standing, because I believe I have the best ground game in the division.”

It’s just a matter of telling herself that until she believes it herself and then can go out and execute.

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