Ian Chappell is the sort of bloke who could be on a date with Miss World and signal the maître de over to complain because the restaurant's too noisy, the lighting is poor and his chair is uncomfortable.
Chappelli hasn’t been happy since….well, he's never been happy.
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Negativity is his go-to when it comes to cricket but the former Australian captain is right to be grumpy about England's approach to the second Test and the Ashes series overall.
We now head to the MCG for the Boxing Day Test with England 2-0 down and showing sporadic signs of fight but not enough to escape a mauling in Adelaide.
Only one team in Ashes history has come from this far back to win a series and that team contained one Donald George Bradman.
Australians like to win, especially against the Poms, but we also like to see a contest. The home side won the first Test by nine wickets and the second by 275 runs.
The bloke who skulled a series of bevies before face-planting on the Adelaide Oval hill showed more resistance than some of these England batsmen, save for Jos Buttler and Chris Woakes.
The openers are wickets waiting to happen, Ollie Pope looks out of his depth and Ben Stokes' Superman cape is wearing heavily.
Their bowling is uninspiring and inconsistent in large parts, some of the fielding at the standard associated with teams using Eskys as stumps.
Sydney and Hobart now face the real prospect of dead rubber Tests as England don't look capable of moving out of their funk in time to mount a challenge in Melbourne.
Ian Chappell says England haven't got a clue
Chappell was bang on the money when he said the visitors' problems start with those in charge of selecting the team.
They got it wrong in Brisbane, leaving out both Stuart Broad and Jimmy Anderson, and went with one seamer too many in Adelaide.
They either needed a spinner to break things up - Jack Leach was deemed surplus to needs after being sacrificed on the Gabba altar – or Mark Wood, the only quick with genuine pace.
"They haven't got a clue with selections; they haven't got it right yet. They always seem to be behind the game with their selections and that's the case again," Chappell said.
"England have got a real problem going forward with their spin bowling. I think Dom Bess has got a bit about him and they need to take a punt on (him).
"But I don't think England will do that."
They will if Phil Tufnell gets his way.
'Tuffers' put in plenty of hard and fruitless shifts Down Under and knows a beaten and demoralised side when he sees one.
"It is like a fog comes over you in Australia and you can't see your way through it," he told the BBC.
"The best way to get out of it is to get three or four new guys in and see if that can change it around."
When Phil Tufnell's the smartest man in the room, you know England are in a horrible mess.
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