"I really hope he found that peace that he needed," the 'So You Think You Can Dance' alum said of her late husband, who died in December 2022
“I was talking to him really actively,” she shared. “I talked to him almost every single night, a really long time. It would be about anything and everything. It could be how was the day today? …Or I would be really upset and yelling at him sometimes.”
The new So You Think You Can Dance judge added that their conversations ranged widely, saying, “There's times I've just screamed and there's times I've been like, 'Okay, I'm picking a school for the kids. What do you think of this school?’ And then just wait for an answer. Yeah. You know, and so it's all sorts of different kinds of things that we would talk about.”
The professional dancer also recalled “the biggest conversation” she had with him, which was “the most healing.”
“I was outside and I was looking at the stars and I said — whether it was necessary or not, I don't know if it was necessary or needed — but I forgave him,” she said. “And I said, ‘I hope you found that peace.’ Like, genuinely, I really hope he found that peace that he needed and that he felt like he needed. You know? And that's a really hard thing to do.”
“But, I just have so much that I want, I needed to allow myself to almost be free of that for him,” she continued. “And so we just had this long dialogue and I did. I was like, 'I forgive you and I hope you have that peace. And I've got it and I've got the kids, we've got each other. We're gonna be okay.’”
Elsewhere in the conversation, the Keep Dancing Through: A Boss Family Groove author told host Nick Viall that she still feels Stephen’s “presence.”
“He's still protecting me. I still feel him. My kids talk about that as well,” she shared. “And his love that was so great for us is still with us. You know? And so for me, I just try to hold onto that and remember that I'm still gonna have dark days. I'm still gonna have a lot of lows. There's still so many things in this journey that I still haven't experienced, but it's all about the way you choose to move through it.”
She continued: “It'd be very easy for me and I've had a lot of people say to me, ‘Why don't you just go get crazy? Or why don't you just, you know, cry in a corner for a little bit?’ Honestly, a lot of people would like to see me crying in a corner, which I've done. A lot of people would like to see me still there.”
Allison also opened up about how Ellen DeGeneres has supported her in the last year following her husband’s death. (Stephen and Ellen shared a close friendship ever since he joined The Ellen DeGeneres Show as a guest DJ in 2014. He eventually became a permanent fixture on the series and was elevated to co-executive producer status in 2020 before it ended in May 2022.)
“I have so many incredible people around me,” she shared. “Ellen was a huge support system for me and still is like, you know, she just always would have such wise words for me. And I really would say that outside of me and some of our dearest friends, she knew him better than anyone too.”
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“I don't shy away from thinking that some people know someone more than others,” she added. “It's not a competition. Like she, she knew him, you know? Yeah. She spent a lot of time with him. So we'd had these really beautiful conversations about it and him, and sharing laughter and grief.”
She concluded: “But she'd always come through with some really solid, sound advice for me and for my future and getting through everything and support for my kids.”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.
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