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50 Hilariously Awkward Conversations Parents Had With Their Kids That Make Me Laugh Uncontrollably Literally Every Time I Think Of Them

1. The brain convo:

My 7yo told me that Jeremy gives her all the answers at school. As the conversation went on I found out that Jeremy is her brain. She named her brain Jeremy.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 30, 2022

Twitter: @BunAndLeggings

2.The crayon convo:

"daddy, you're ruining my life!"
Twitter

3. The Spaghettio convo:

My kid just learned “uh oh spaghettios” but he keeps forgetting and is yelling “oh no noodles” instead

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 1, 2022

Twitter: @deloisivete

4. The butter convo:

I made my bed and found a half eaten stick of butter in it. When I asked my child if she put anything in mommy’s bed, she said “I did not put butter in it.” The mystery continues. More at 11.

— LL Cool Tweet (@LLcoooltweet) June 7, 2022

Twitter: @LLcoooltweet

5.The brain convo:

"I don't want a brain"

6. The paper convo:

The 6 year old flatly refused to believe that we used to navigate using maps made out of paper. “You mean like pirates?!?!????”

— Greg Ó Ceallaigh (@gregoceallaigh) September 3, 2021

Twitter: @gregoceallaigh

7. The wall people convo:

my son has recently informed me the ‘wall people’ who ‘always have their eyes open’ don’t like us anymore. just curious if anyone is free tonight to help me move out

— nash flynn (@itsnashflynn) September 11, 2022

Twitter: @itsnashflynn

8. The season convo:

the teacher asked my kindergartner what his favorite season was and he said “garlic salt”

— 🦂Stay at Home Meh 🌵 (@caseyjparker) August 26, 2022

Twitter: @caseyjparker

9. The ugly convo:

My 7yo just got mad at his brother and called him ugly, and his brother got really upset about it and started crying. They’re identical twins. Identical. Twins.

— Stacey (@nofilterblonde) January 29, 2023

Twitter: @nofilterblonde

10.The scissors convo:

"she accused my husband of cutting it while she wasn't looking"
Twitter

11. The Internet convo:

My 8yo daughter met a girl at summer camp last year named "Internet." I said no way, that can't be her name but my daughter has been adamant. For almost a year we've been having this discussion. ANTOINETTE. I just found out her name is Antoinette.

— Brianne M. Kohl (@BrianneKohl) March 18, 2022

Twitter: @BrianneKohl

12. The pumpkin patch convo:

I just witnessed a child have a meltdown in the pumpkin patch because he wanted to go to the pumpkin patch. That he was standing in. LMAO Y’all parent every day? Oh my God. 😂

— Shop: The S.R.C (@SunshineScottee) October 15, 2022

Twitter: @SunshineScottee

13.The water convo:

"She goes 'cause I can and it feels nice'

14. The grape convo:

Unsure if you want kids or not? My son told me he throws the grapes that “look funny” behind the couch and I just found his secret pile of rotting fruit.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 20, 2022

Twitter: @mom_needsalife

15.The "would you rather" convo:

A 7-year-old asks "Would you rather be a famous hockey player or be stuck in a Coke bottle?"

16. The ham convo:

Parenting is ok except for every once in a while when my 3-year-old requests “Ham Hands” for lunch, which is when she takes two handfuls of ham and eats it in the living room while she watches tv.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 11, 2023

Twitter: @missmulrooney

17.The recipe convo:

"Austin, pointing to a bag of frozen mangos"

18.The walls convo:

Child asks tour guide if they've ever killed someone and are there bodies in the walls

19. The x-ray convo:

I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). I showed the kid and he gasped. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton."

— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 🔪👻 (@DrSpooky_ER) September 28, 2022

Twitter: @DrSpooky_ER

20.The country convo:

Two kids discuss which country is the biggest and one says that only God knows what it is because they're all big

21. The meltdown convo:

The funniest thing that’s ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went “Can you feed me?” and my son, through massive sobs, goes “no I can’t right now, dinosaur” and continued screaming

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) November 7, 2022

Twitter: @clhubes

22.The kiss convo:

Kid who kisses a person every day says that will keep the person alive, until one day they don't kiss the person and are surprised the person is alive

23. The backyard convo:

My toddler, who was not previously accustomed to being awake after dark, just looked outside and screamed “where is the backyard?!”

— Mel (@Tweetsnwhatnot) November 10, 2021

Twitter: @Tweetsnwhatnot

24.The growing-up convo:

Kid afraid of growing up because he was scared to drink coffee

25. The lunch convo:

Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 22, 2021

Twitter: @pro_worrier_

26.The existential crisis convo:

"My daughter had a complete existential breakdown"

27. The leg convo:

Today my 3 year old niece cried because she remembered she hit her leg somewhere 3 days ago. She said she forgot to cry about her leg that day.

— a plate of bamya (@NourAbadiii) March 30, 2021

Twitter: @NourAbadiii

28.The tattoo convo:

Kid asks someone if they have to put their tattoos on every day

29. The nose convo:

My 7 year old: *staring at my face*Me: What is it, sweetie?My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too?Kids are delightful.

— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 9, 2021

Twitter: @ThisOneSayz

30.The pope convo:

Kid cries because he thinks the pope's funeral is Santa's funeral

31. The friendship convo:

My son got his report card today and academically he did well but his teacher wrote a note specifying “ he needs to use kind words with friends “ . I asked him about it and he said “ My friends are dumb and they need to know “

— ⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱️🅰️ (@PurestInNoSense) March 24, 2018

Twitter: @PurestInNoSense

32.The Itchy Man convo:

Kid pretending to be a superhero who throws balls of itchy stuff at his enemies: "Hey, bad guy, look out! I got itchy balls"

33. The bleach convo:

*Opens bottle of bleach*Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn't open.Me : Oh it's coz it has a child safety lock. Children can't open it.*nephew looks at bottle in amazement*Nephew : How did it know I was a child?🤣🤣🤣

— Julz (@azedi) November 27, 2018

Twitter: @azedi

34.The raccoon convo:

Kid cries on Christmas Eve because a dead raccoon she saw in the road can't celebrate Christmas
Facebook

35.The service convo:

A kid who didn't know the difference between a veteran and a veterinarian thanked the vet who put their dog down for her service

36.The counting convo:

6-year-old asks their dad how long it takes to count to a million and then asks, "What if I start at 100?"
Facebook

37.The fart convo:

Toddler having a breakdown because they fart and apparently they were saving that fart for later

38.The drain convo:

6-year-old reveals they put a screwdriver down the sink, which is why it's clogged up, as their parent is putting Drano down the sink
Twitter

39. The smell convo:

9-year old: Dad smell this. You licked a puss.Me: [mutes TV] what9-year old: it’s so good. Smell it. You licked a puss.Me: ...9-year old: [hands me a candle jar]Me. It’s *eucalyptus*

— Ramzy Nasrallah (@ramzy) December 17, 2017

Twitter: @ramzy

40.The emergency convo:

Parent asks child what they would do if they found the parent on the floor unconscious, and the child says "I would go into the kitchen and eat anything I want"
Twitter

41. The marker convo:

(4yo daughter is crying her eyes out)Me: "What's wrong, tutu?"4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): "If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!"Me: "But your fingers...are not...markers?"4yo (peak distress): "I said IF!"

— Tomer Ullman (@TomerUllman) July 31, 2020

Twitter: @TomerUllman

42.The bedtime convo:

A child gets up after going to bed and asks if a duck is a predator

43. The farming convo:

Just heard my 4 year old say "it's time to milk the farm dog" and my 2 yo squeal "YEAH" and I better go see what they're doing

— The Strawberry Scaries (@RateMySalad) February 5, 2022

Twitter: @RateMySalad

44.The salty convo:

kid who puts salt in their cereal

45. The grandma convo:

My toddler dropped my phone while she was FaceTiming my mom, gasped, picked it back up, and asked, “grandma, are you ok???” It was the cutest-dumbest thing Ive ever seen.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) June 22, 2021

Twitter: @not_thenanny

46.The Target convo:

Kid tells someone in a restaurant that her mother stole her dress from Target

47. The toast convo:

Parenting Fail.After 4yr old's epic meltdown over toast cut the "wrong" way.Me: whispering under my breath with my back turned.. "ohhh I'm so fucking tired"4yr old: "well I'm fucking tired too mummy"

— Ruth Brooker (@erbrooker) February 15, 2022

Twitter: @erbrooker

48.The quesadilla convo:

Child eats almost all of a chicken-and-cheese quesadilla and then has a fit because she realizes it's not a pancake and thinks her parent lied to her

49. The prison convo:

my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you”

— ceciATL (@ceciATL) January 28, 2021

Twitter: @ceciATL

50.And the confetti convo:

A child says they always carry confetti for emergency celebrations