1. The brain convo:
My 7yo told me that Jeremy gives her all the answers at school. As the conversation went on I found out that Jeremy is her brain. She named her brain Jeremy.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 30, 2022
2.The crayon convo:
3. The Spaghettio convo:
My kid just learned “uh oh spaghettios” but he keeps forgetting and is yelling “oh no noodles” instead
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 1, 2022
4. The butter convo:
I made my bed and found a half eaten stick of butter in it. When I asked my child if she put anything in mommy’s bed, she said “I did not put butter in it.” The mystery continues. More at 11.
— LL Cool Tweet (@LLcoooltweet) June 7, 2022
5.The brain convo:
6. The paper convo:
The 6 year old flatly refused to believe that we used to navigate using maps made out of paper. “You mean like pirates?!?!????”
— Greg Ó Ceallaigh (@gregoceallaigh) September 3, 2021
7. The wall people convo:
my son has recently informed me the ‘wall people’ who ‘always have their eyes open’ don’t like us anymore. just curious if anyone is free tonight to help me move out
— nash flynn (@itsnashflynn) September 11, 2022
8. The season convo:
the teacher asked my kindergartner what his favorite season was and he said “garlic salt”
— 🦂Stay at Home Meh 🌵 (@caseyjparker) August 26, 2022
9. The ugly convo:
My 7yo just got mad at his brother and called him ugly, and his brother got really upset about it and started crying. They’re identical twins. Identical. Twins.
— Stacey (@nofilterblonde) January 29, 2023
10.The scissors convo:
11. The Internet convo:
My 8yo daughter met a girl at summer camp last year named "Internet." I said no way, that can't be her name but my daughter has been adamant. For almost a year we've been having this discussion. ANTOINETTE. I just found out her name is Antoinette.
— Brianne M. Kohl (@BrianneKohl) March 18, 2022
12. The pumpkin patch convo:
I just witnessed a child have a meltdown in the pumpkin patch because he wanted to go to the pumpkin patch. That he was standing in. LMAO Y’all parent every day? Oh my God. 😂
— Shop: The S.R.C (@SunshineScottee) October 15, 2022
13.The water convo:
14. The grape convo:
Unsure if you want kids or not? My son told me he throws the grapes that “look funny” behind the couch and I just found his secret pile of rotting fruit.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 20, 2022
15.The "would you rather" convo:
16. The ham convo:
Parenting is ok except for every once in a while when my 3-year-old requests “Ham Hands” for lunch, which is when she takes two handfuls of ham and eats it in the living room while she watches tv.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 11, 2023
17.The recipe convo:
18.The walls convo:
19. The x-ray convo:
I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). I showed the kid and he gasped. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton."
— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 🔪👻 (@DrSpooky_ER) September 28, 2022
20.The country convo:
21. The meltdown convo:
The funniest thing that’s ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went “Can you feed me?” and my son, through massive sobs, goes “no I can’t right now, dinosaur” and continued screaming
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) November 7, 2022
22.The kiss convo:
23. The backyard convo:
My toddler, who was not previously accustomed to being awake after dark, just looked outside and screamed “where is the backyard?!”
— Mel (@Tweetsnwhatnot) November 10, 2021
24.The growing-up convo:
25. The lunch convo:
Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 22, 2021
26.The existential crisis convo:
27. The leg convo:
Today my 3 year old niece cried because she remembered she hit her leg somewhere 3 days ago. She said she forgot to cry about her leg that day.
— a plate of bamya (@NourAbadiii) March 30, 2021
28.The tattoo convo:
29. The nose convo:
My 7 year old: *staring at my face*Me: What is it, sweetie?My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too?Kids are delightful.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 9, 2021
30.The pope convo:
31. The friendship convo:
My son got his report card today and academically he did well but his teacher wrote a note specifying “ he needs to use kind words with friends “ . I asked him about it and he said “ My friends are dumb and they need to know “
— ⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱️🅰️ (@PurestInNoSense) March 24, 2018
32.The Itchy Man convo:
33. The bleach convo:
*Opens bottle of bleach*Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn't open.Me : Oh it's coz it has a child safety lock. Children can't open it.*nephew looks at bottle in amazement*Nephew : How did it know I was a child?🤣🤣🤣
— Julz (@azedi) November 27, 2018
34.The raccoon convo:
35.The service convo:
36.The counting convo:
37.The fart convo:
38.The drain convo:
39. The smell convo:
9-year old: Dad smell this. You licked a puss.Me: [mutes TV] what9-year old: it’s so good. Smell it. You licked a puss.Me: ...9-year old: [hands me a candle jar]Me. It’s *eucalyptus*
— Ramzy Nasrallah (@ramzy) December 17, 2017
40.The emergency convo:
41. The marker convo:
(4yo daughter is crying her eyes out)Me: "What's wrong, tutu?"4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): "If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!"Me: "But your fingers...are not...markers?"4yo (peak distress): "I said IF!"
— Tomer Ullman (@TomerUllman) July 31, 2020
42.The bedtime convo:
43. The farming convo:
Just heard my 4 year old say "it's time to milk the farm dog" and my 2 yo squeal "YEAH" and I better go see what they're doing
— The Strawberry Scaries (@RateMySalad) February 5, 2022
44.The salty convo:
45. The grandma convo:
My toddler dropped my phone while she was FaceTiming my mom, gasped, picked it back up, and asked, “grandma, are you ok???” It was the cutest-dumbest thing Ive ever seen.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) June 22, 2021
46.The Target convo:
47. The toast convo:
Parenting Fail.After 4yr old's epic meltdown over toast cut the "wrong" way.Me: whispering under my breath with my back turned.. "ohhh I'm so fucking tired"4yr old: "well I'm fucking tired too mummy"
— Ruth Brooker (@erbrooker) February 15, 2022
48.The quesadilla convo:
49. The prison convo:
my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you”
— ceciATL (@ceciATL) January 28, 2021