Advertisement

33 Hysterical Parents Who Prove Raising Kids Is 100% Not For The Faint Of Heart

Summer vacation is over, and parents with school-aged children will finally, FINALLY have a few pitter-patter-free hours once school starts.

"but if you never have kids, you'll never know what it's like to be awakened by pitter-patter of little feet". yes. exactly. that is in fact the entire point.

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) August 25, 2023

Twitter: @VeryBadLlama

You can use some of that quiet time to read these funny parenting tweets — and make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!

1.

They changed our school start time from 8:05 to 8:06 for this year. …

— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) August 20, 2023

Twitter: @MegStEsprit

2.

Day 71 of summer vacation: My son told his sister that she is zero-years-old and she isn’t alive yet. She is screaming and crying. I pointed out that she IS already alive though. She does not care. It is loud.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 26, 2023

Twitter: @missmulrooney

3.

Halfway through my kid’s crazy complicated Subway order, the guy asked “Where you going with this sandwich, man?”

— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 20, 2023

Twitter: @thedadvocate01

4.

As an end-of-summer treat, I told my 5yo he can stay up as late as he wants tonight. His regular bedtime is 7:30. It’s 7:50 and he’s outside swinging on his swing set telling me this is the best day ever. Will keep you posted on how long he makes it.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) August 27, 2023

Twitter: @MediocreMamaa

5.

No sadder relationship dynamic than my baby (absolutely obsessed with my 3yo) and my 3yo (continually tells us to throw her in the garbage)

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 24, 2023

Twitter: @clhubes

6.

watching my toddler do her amazing jump trick for the 83rd time. pic.twitter.com/Q41dK7QXkp

— Luke ☀️ (@RaDadtouille) August 25, 2023

Netflix / Via Twitter: @RaDadtouille

7.

ok i’m 8 months pregnant, my husband is out of the country, there’s a hurricane and now an earthquake? a little over plotted don’t ya think?

— amber rollo (@ambercrollo) August 20, 2023

Twitter: @ambercrollo

8.

"Welcome to daycare. Here's your eye infection."

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 24, 2023

Twitter: @HenpeckedHal

9.

11-year-old: I'm bringing my saxophone home from school tomorrow.Me: Why?11: To practice making sounds.Me: You mean notes?11: No. We haven't learned those yet.Lucky us.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 23, 2023

Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn

10.

Paid $75 to take the family to the zoo so my toddler could ooh and ahh over a caterpillar in the parking lot.

— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) August 19, 2023

Twitter: @MumOfTw0

11.

Nephew has been doing a bit where when he gets on elevators with adults, in an attempt to fit in he’ll say “I didn’t get the promotion”

— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) August 20, 2023

Twitter: @ItsDanSheehan

12.

16- *bragging about his mustache*12- Mom’s mustache is way better than yours Me-

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) August 28, 2023

Twitter: @maryfairybobrry

13.

it’s funny that human toddlers go through a distinct developmental phase that’s like “does not wish to eat anything that is offered”

— worms cited (@christapeterso) August 19, 2023

Twitter: @christapeterso

14.

"I fuck with ancient Egypt so hard"

15.

Love emails like “Hi parents! We are so excited for this fall! Please create a log in for your Zerlap account, which can be accessed through your Bloppo app, which is linked on our website in a place that’s literally impossible to find, also the link is dead, see you soon!”

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 26, 2023

Twitter: @ambernoelle

16.

I woke up my kid for her first day of school and she rolled over in bed to face me, a smile slowly spread across her face and then a fart ripped at full volume under the covers.“I’m so excited I farted.”

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 28, 2023

Twitter: @notmythirdrodeo

17.

My kids are late to their first day of school because I don’t want to give their teachers the wrong impression of us by being on time

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 28, 2023

Twitter: @reallifemommy3

18.

At a 4th Grade Mock Trial and when the kid prosecutor finished her passionate opening statement the kid defendant was so moved he stood up and applauded. This could be a quick verdict.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 26, 2023

Twitter: @Dad_At_Law

19.

Me to my husband: "Don't worry, he's only 2, he'll forget about wanting ice cream for dinner if we don't bring it up."My 2yo: "Behold, mother, there is the exact space Grandma parked in when she drove me to this playground 3 weeks ago; I was clad in my green Stegosaurus shirt"

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 24, 2023

Twitter: @sewistwrites

20.

my wife/kid are having a mommy/daughter night and when my wife asked her what she wanted to do my kid said "I would like to go to a nice dinner in Philadelphia and walk the streets at night"

— todd dillard (@toddedillard) August 25, 2023

Twitter: @toddedillard

21.

Playing Life with the kids11yo: lol I landed on the “have a baby” tile again, like people just park their car and make a babyMe:My wife:Me: well *clears throat* some peop—11yo: oh no

— Austin J. Clements (@ClementsAustinJ) August 17, 2023

Twitter: @ClementsAustinJ

22.

postcard from child from camp pic.twitter.com/yOXRlIECfO

— flglmn (@flglmn) August 17, 2023

Twitter: @flglmn

23.

went on vacation so my kids could play on their ipads in a different state -a modern day parenting story

— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) August 20, 2023

Twitter: @mom_tho

24.

Lol my 6th grader has to call his best friend’s grandma’s landline and is very unsure what to do if someone besides his friend answers. YES YOU HAVE TO MAKE SMALL TALK WITH THEM SON.

— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) August 21, 2023

Twitter: @MegStEsprit

25.

almost 3 year old in her crib: "I'M NOT READY FOR BED BECAUSE I GOTTA DO MY HOMEWORK"

— josie duffy rice (@jduffyrice) August 17, 2023

Twitter: @jduffyrice

26.

My son wasn’t listening so I said his attitude was super cringe and he looked up at me in horror and look at that he heard me.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 23, 2023

Twitter: @itssherifield

27.

My favorite part of reading a book to my 3 y/o is when we’re finished and he immediately demands I read it again but “better” this time.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) August 24, 2023

Twitter: @Dadof2crazyboys

28.

Would love to have a brief chat with whoever taught my son to roll his eyes and say “oh my GOD” whenever someone displeases him oh wait

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) August 23, 2023

Twitter: @bessbell

29.

Can your boss be shorter than you? -my 5yo, mixing up work boss and video game boss

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 24, 2023

Twitter: @deloisivete

30.

My 6yo has started calling himself a smarty pants and when I asked him why he thinks that, he said “Well, I’m smart and I wear pants.”

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) August 22, 2023

Twitter: @kevinthedad

31.

Good morning my 6yo is already annoyed with me because I'm being mean (won't let her put her foot on my cheek while I eat my breakfast)

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 26, 2023

Twitter: @missmulrooney

32.

I spent months planning this road trip down to the last detail. Husband spots a candy store. Boom he’s the hero of this story.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 26, 2023

Twitter: @IHideFromMyKids

33.

why do I bother sterilising milk bottles when my kid just licked the floor of Tesco

— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) August 22, 2023

Twitter: @oldenoughtosay

Don't miss the funniest tweets by parents in July...

40 Hysterical Parents Who Tweeted Through Another LooOOOoooOOong Month Of Parenthood

...or the funniest tweets by parents in 2023 (so far)!

50 Delightfully Hilarious Jokes By Parents Who REALLY Need A Break