Before we all started going to therapy, we had the Scholastic book fair. And frankly, I think that was more effective.
Totally normal to be low key jealous of my kid who gets to experience his first book fair next week, right?
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 9, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
Me: getting the flu shot wasn’t so bad, was it?5: it was really loudMe: loud?5: yes because I screamed the whole time!
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 11, 2023
My child is crying because her Pokémon are too weak and one thing nobody ever told me about parenting is how hard it is not to laugh at your children
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) September 7, 2023
My son was following me around being annoying. I turned around and asked what he wanted. He leaned in, "we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty." No notes! Perfect performance.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 3, 2023
Made one of those cute white board signs for my sons first day of preschool. Left the room and came back and he’d erased it and drawn “a big building that’s on fire” instead. pic.twitter.com/RYUAtwy0uU
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 8, 2023
As spooky season approaches, my very interested toddler has been asking "WHAT HIM NAME?" when we see a skeleton or other ghoulish figure on someone's lawn, and since "I don't know" is unacceptable to people who are almost 3, I have been spitballing names of people I don't like.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) September 3, 2023
PARENT PROTIP: Don't read that email from the school; save your energy for the follow-up with corrections they'll send in a few minutes.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 6, 2023
Wasn’t ready to tell my daughter where babies come from til I overheard her brother saying they came from my butt.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 5, 2023
Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 7, 2023
It’s a beautiful day for a walk in the forest! Except my 3yo brought some ham in her pockets and she dropped some of the ham in a muddy stream and I had to tackle her to stop her from retrieving and eating the muddy stream ham.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 2, 2023
My toddler wanted to play a game with her baby doll. The idea was to get the baby to lie down and go to sleep. We’ve been playing for over an hour and the baby still won’t sleep. This game is a little too realistic for me.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 6, 2023
I think kids would be less excited to grow up if they knew how much of adulthood is just cleaning, organizing, and figuring out what to eat again
— Karen K. Ho (@karenkho) September 2, 2023
My husband told me to lock my bedroom door so I could have a little break. 5 was very concerned that I might not know who was knocking and saying Mama every few minutes, so he slid this under the door. “It’s me, Mom. Your son.” pic.twitter.com/XJGp6PxXia
— kindminds_smarthearts (@kindminds_) September 2, 2023
My 5yo just told me all about one of his favorite classes: cafeteria
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 8, 2023
Olivia Rodrigo: 2+2=5 and I’m the love of your lifeMy daughter, disgusted: 2+2=4 lady!
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 10, 2023
I would like a gender reveal party where it reveals which parent is the bigger asshole.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 10, 2023
if having grown teens has taught me anything it's that you can be wrong for not helping them make better decisions and somehow at the same time also be wrong for always telling them what to do
— 🌜🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) September 8, 2023
Do you ever feel anxious for seemingly no reason & track your thoughts so you can pinpoint the thought that triggered the anxiety & then realize it’s because you were thinking about living on the house boat that Tom Hank’s lived on in Sleepless in Seattle but with a 2 year old?
— Marissa 💚🍃💛 (@michimama75) September 8, 2023
My 2yo just asked for “one more tiny kiss” 🥺🥺🥺 and it’s almost like earlier today I didn’t think to myself, “there is a reason that the baby box at the fire station is too small to fit a toddler in there.”
— emily (@emilykmay) September 3, 2023
I told 14 to put the towels from the washer to the dryer 4 hours ago. I asked an hour ago if he did and he said yes.He never turned the dryer on. I guess that shit's on me for not specifying.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 11, 2023
The dad who lives down the street and I have an objectively perfect relationship pic.twitter.com/fom1XylHTI
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) September 7, 2023
My MIL keeps forcing my kids to hug her so I’m teaching them some basic self-defence
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 11, 2023
having small children who are not yet using the bathroom independently makes you think about a lot of things.
— emily (@emilykmay) September 8, 2023
My kid sure likes playing restaurant for someone who makes meal time the most difficult and stressful part of my existence.
— The Dad (@thedad) September 10, 2023
My 6yo set a timer so that I could have a rest after eating. When the alarm went off it was time for me to go play with him. He set the timer for 11 seconds. Plenty of time for a rest.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 2, 2023
I just want to know- how many years after the kids go to college do you keep finding tiny Lego pieces?
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) September 9, 2023
When my daughter was complaining that her sister and friends kept tagging her first even though they know she hates being “it”, apparently, “run faster,” wasn’t the response she was looking for. I know this now.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) September 4, 2023
asked a little kid who was chatting a lot on the train what his favorite ride at Coney Island was and after some hemming and hawing he nodded and said “getting ice cream.” no one has ever been more correct
— rachel (@rachelmillman) September 4, 2023
Everyone shut up, my 1st grader is telling me a 30-minute long story about how Laberham Lincoln got shot.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 8, 2023
I asked my son how his first full day went and he described in detail a bug he saw at recess and revealed no further information
— sarah radz (@sarahradz_) September 7, 2023
My daughter ate a whole bag of chips and then said “I’m not even that hungry they just tasted good” and I’ve never felt closer to her
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 4, 2023
“You kinda look like a mama and a granny. You’re like a mama and also a granny.” -my son(3) to me (35)
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 2, 2023
reached that age where once again it’ll be a scandal if I get pregnant
— nika (@nikalamity) September 4, 2023