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32 Absolutely Hilarious Comebacks By Complete And Total Strangers That Had Me Dying With Laughter Last Month

1.On baseball:

"It's naptime"

2.On lattes:

Gordon Ramsay looking confused

3.On being remembered:

"Not if I eat the Mona Lisa"

4.On peaking:

"I PEAKED IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!"

5.On pizza:

"Thermonuclear war"

6.On microwaving:

"Ice cream"

7.On measurements:

"This has to be the most fucked unit of measurement ive ever come across"

8.On wine:

"snifts"

9.On boba tea:

"no we absolutely do not"
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10.On the english language:

"english is literally written the way it's pronounced besides a few words"

11.On duration:

"Probably 74-80 years"

12.On refreshing beverages:

"alright hold up now"

13.On internet points:

"Spatula"

14.On Nirvana:

"there r real teens out there who think discovering nirvana is a special achievement"

15.On names:

"Girl named IKEA had to change her name to stop being picked on at school"

16.On pizza toppings:

"Ground glass"

17.On divorce:

"Marriage"

18.On disappearances:

"It would be even worse if all nuts & bolts disappeared overnight"

19.On resemblances:

"He looks like a fleshlight"

20.On video games:

"max payne 2"

21.On danger:

"I'm gonna pronounce it like that now"

22.On questing:

"Holy shit"

23.On things that suck:

"Mosquitoes"

24.On degrees:

"Just think of it as having 90 degrees instead of one"

25.On averages:

"an average person has one testicle and one boob."

26.On DJ Khaled:

"dj khaled"
Getty / Via Twitter: @demonise

27.On time machines:

"Not impossible, mind."

28.On multiplication:

"Yes, 10 times harder"

29.On Linkin Park:

"But in the end it doesn't even mattress"

30.On electronics:

"This guy thinks there will be water in the future."

31.On ankles:

"Twisting both your ankles."

32.And on President Jimmy Carter:

"Imagine being a Polish citizen and you hear the president say he's here to fuck and he's not leaving"